Don't Let Me Go
by ScaliaFics94
Summary: Post Season 4: Set just before Clarke and Madi see the Eligius ship. Clarke isn't willing to play nice with them. Bellamy tries his best to move on from what he left behind on Earth, Clarke, but after six years he's finally going to have to let go of the life he made peace with. Even if it means ending things with Echo.
1. Chapter 1

So this fic came about purely by rewatching The 100 all the way through and desperately waiting for the trailer to drop. If anyone of you are readers from my Scalia fanfictions then you're probably aware that Summer and I have a crossover within our fics. I've been badgering her to watch The 100 and she caved yall! She'll deny this but she loves me. Sidenote: We're both really gay for Octavia, Lexa, and Raven. Clarke's a baddie too.

The song for this fic is Bandit Heart - Don't Let Me Go

CLARKE'S POV:

With the radio in hand, I knew I wouldn't make it back to them in time. There was no way. They wouldn't survive.

If I couldn't live I needed them to.

"Bellamy," My heart broke down the middle. "If you can hear me, don't wait."

Moments later the rocket shot through the sky leaving a fiery smoke behind.

I couldn't pretend that I didn't know the decision to leave me didn't kill him inside. Had the situation been reversed, and it had in a way with the dropship door, I would've told them to go without me. I couldn't leave Bellamy alone for five years.

Once I got back to the lab I knew I could survive I knew it was going to be long five years, it was incredibly likely that I'd lose my mind. I'd already lost my heart to space.

 _Six years and seven days later_

My eyes opened with my gut telling me it was the exact moment I needed to set up my little radio show.

I opened my palm to feel the rain on my skin, a smile teased my face. With my notebook set aside I stepped down onto the tire, then onto the ground. I grabbed my rusty satellite and radio, and sat on what came to be my favorite log in the same spot I'd been sitting in for five years and seven days. It would've been six years and seven days had air been breathable that first year after Praimfaya. There wasn't a better view of the mountains anywhere in my Greenland.

A breathy sigh left me. My gaze went to the forest floor. "Here we go again," I said more to myself. With hope, I held the radio to my mouth. "Bellamy," My eyes scanned the sky as if he'd drop out any second. "If you can hear me if you're still alive, it's been two-thousand one hundred and ninety-nine days since Praimfaya. I don't know why I still do this every day." I gave a small laugh. "Maybe it's my way of staying sane." Because for a while it looked bleak without you. "Not forgetting who I am," My head tilted in remembrance. "Who I was." Who I lost and loved. "It's been safe for you to come down for over a year now," I scanned the sky once more. "So why haven't you?"

Out of the two-thousand one hundred and ninety-nine days, I had no definitive proof that they had made it, that they weren't all instantly killed from oxygen deprivation or freezing to death in the cold vacuum of space.

"The bunker's gone silent too. We tried digging them out for a while but there was too much rubble. I haven't made contact with them either." I had no idea if my mom was still alive. "Anyway, I still have hope. Tell Raven to aim for the one spot of green and you'll find me. The rest of the planet from what I've seen basically sucks so-"

A sound akin to a rocket launching or a spaceship breaking the atmosphere caught my attention.

For a few nerve-wracking seconds, I couldn't see anything and my heart broke again. A few more seconds passed to have a ship rocket through the sky.

I stood, my heart raced at the excitement and disbelief that I was going to see everyone after all this time, that I was going to see Bellamy.

The rain had never felt more refreshing, the breeze never felt so lively.

I bought the radio back to my mouth with a hopeful grin. "Nevermind, I see you."

They were alive. They were coming home. He was coming home.

I ran to the back of the rover to wake Madi up.

She jumped excitedly to observe the ship.

Despite having six years to prepare I wasn't ready to see him again. I had a lot of time to come to the realization that I had loved him, more than as a friend. That love didn't delude the love I held for Lexa. She was still in my heart but not in the same gut-wrenching way when I thought of her. She'd called it after all before the two of us even started anything. However, I wasn't delusional. Six years was a long time. Long enough for me to come to terms that I may never see him again, that I had to mourn his love too. So I still loved him, just not in the way I once had.

"I thought you said the ship was small?" Madi called.

I rushed to her side to see a humongous ship landing with caution. "Madi, go get my rifle. Now."

She ran for it then handed it over.

With the rifle eyepiece to look through I confirmed what I already knew in my gut. We had trouble.

"Get in the rover, Madi."

"But I thought-"

"Now!" I demanded.

She understood the seriousness of the situation and hopped inside.

I backed the rover up and booked it through the path I made.

"Who are they?" She asked. "Why are we running from them?"

I turned a sharp right. "The ship said it was a prisoner transport. It's not one of I've heard of."

She looked behind us, her dark hair flapped in the wind. "They could be nice, Klark."

"Could be. We don't know."

She met my eyes. "We're going to kill them, aren't we?"

"No," My head shook. "I'm going to kill them."

Despite being a grounder, Madi wasn't raised in the way she would've been had the world not ended a second time. I tried to instill in her the necessary survival skills. She knew how to hunt, she knew how to climb a tree and scout, she knew how to make herself invisible if need be. But she didn't like to hurt, didn't like for me to hurt things. Luckily, there hadn't been any people outside at all.

"We don't have to, we can talk to them, right?" Her blue eyes shined with hope. "What if your friends are on there?"

Could I take that risk? Not if it meant they'd take our food and shelter, not if they hurt Madi. Honestly, what were the odds they'd be on the prisoner ship?

I drove Madi back to our camp, then went on foot with my weapons.

They'd see my signs warning against intruding but I knew they wouldn't stop there. We hadn't.

From my post in one of the trees, I could see them clearly. Three had ventured out while the rest had stayed back with the ship.

It had been so long since I'd seen someone else besides Madi. Nonetheless, I didn't let the shiny new people distract me from crouching into position.

They held their guns in position for any sign of opposition. Little did they know that there were far worse things on Earth than guns could handle.

"Maybe they're not hostile." A brown haired woman suggested as she lagged behind, her olive skin strikingly familiar.

The blonde male that lead the group scoffed. "They held a gun to our ship. Not likely."

The other male shook as he walked.

"They can explain what happened. This isn't the Earth we left. It looks dead."

She had no idea how right she was.

"Quiet, Christina. We need to find them, they were the only people it looked like for miles. Who knows how long it would take to find someone else. We take them and make them talk."

My hand clutched my spear, tossed it upward, then hurled it through the chest of the leader and pinned him to a tree.

Christina screamed loud enough to wake the world. "Jace!"

"We have to go back to the ship." The shakey man grabbed the woman and fled.

A smirk played on my face. I descended the tree, then worked back to the ground. I stayed low to the ground as I followed them. I aimed an arrow at the man's back, he zigzagged at the last second so it grazed his side.

He cried out.

Christina made sure he was okay before they made it back to their ship.

I ran back for Jace's body, I hadn't hit him through anything extremely important. He was likely to be alive if he could hold out until I made a poultice for his injury.

Because I was feeling poetic, I tied up Jace to the tree I shot him into. He'd serve as a warning.

A scream cut through the air. "Klark!" Madi's terrified voice called.

My attention shifted as I stood. "Madi," I said under my breath. "Madi!" I called back.

The only logical destination she was being taken to was the Eligius ship, so I ran in that direction.

My heart raced out of fear, fear that they'd kill her as retaliation. She was everything. I couldn't let her die.

"Ste yuj!" (Stay strong)

I could hear the movement of the passengers, I was close.

One of them turned at my arrival. "Hey, you're-" He was cut off by one of my daggers hitting him in the head. He slumped to the ground.

My hand pulled it out on my way forward. I grabbed my sword from my back holster then jumped into their presence.

They all stopped what they were doing to inspect me.

"Where is she?" I demanded. "Madi, yu klir?" I yelled loud enough for her to hear. (You safe)

No one gave me an answer.

I waved my sword through the air. "Where is she?!" I demanded. I locked eyes with the man in charge by the stance of him. "If you hurt her I'll-" I was hit in the back of the head with a blunt force object.

When I later woke up I was tied down to a chair with rope. I remembered what happened, that I didn't know if Madi was alive. I struggled against the restraints which only rubbed my skin uncomfortably.

"She's awake," The woman I remembered as Christina announced. She rushed forward as the others gathered around. "You killed Jace, why?" She demanded. Her shiny dark waves fell past her shoulders.

"Chris," A handsome man with curly blonde hair stepped forward as he called her off. "My name's Bryson. I'm sorry about all this, must be weird." His blue eyes stared into mine. "Now you have to understand how weird this is for us. We just want to know what happened? What happened to Earth?"

That wasn't their biggest concern.

I kept my mouth shut.

An older man with salt and pepper hair marched forward with a gun. "How about I make her talk,"

A young Black guy stopped him. "We may have been prisoners but we're not savages."

Bryson turned to them. "Zeke's right. We can't start shooting and asking questions later, not until we know what we're up against."

The brute with the gun shoved Zeke off of him.

"Why can't we?" Christina neared Bryson. "That's what she did."

He looked into her brown eyes. "We don't know that."

She took another step toward him. "Do you see anyone else out there? That spear was thrown with pinpoint accuracy," She turned to me. "And she's the only one we've seen with weapons."

I worked my wrists against the rope behind my back, it hurt to beat hell but I think there was starting to be some slack in it.

A younger Black girl came up to me, about sixteen. Her hair was out in natural curls that framed her face. "I like your hair." She touched the red in my hair.

Christina snatched her up. "Don't talk to her."

The girl struggled loose. "You're not my real sister, you don't get to tell me what to do." She stomped away.

Christina watched her leave with a crack in her composure but she didn't go after her.

Bryson watched her before he turned back to me. "If we tell you what we know will you tell us what you know?"

I remained still.

"It's worth a shot," He mumbled before he gestured to everyone in view. "We're with the Eligius Corporation. Surely, you've heard of it. We were prisoners, some of our crimes petty," He glanced back at the angry man. "Some of them not. We've been in hypersleep for awhile. We're just trying to figure out how long. A few months? A few years?"

Angry man huffed. "That's it." He rushed forward.

A stocky man with olive skin intercepted him. "Calm down, Vinson."

Vinson pointed at me. "I'll calm down when she starts talking. Maybe we should get the kid out here. Then she'll talk."

My eyes narrowed. "Yu nou," I mumbled. (You wouldn't)

His dark brows lifted. "Look at that, she speaks."

Bryson turned to him, his stance stiff. "Would you give it a rest, Vinson. We're not going to hurt anyone, let alone a little girl." He gestured for Zeke and the other burly man to get him out of here.

Vinson struggled a bit but decided it wasn't worth it in the end.

Bryson neared me and crouched. "You can see that we're decently civilized people. We don't want a fight, we just want answers. If I bring your daughter or sister out here will you talk?"

Against my better judgment, I nodded.

He looked back at Christina.

She went to go get Madi without a word.

I continued to work the ropes with little progress.

Bryson stared at me. "See, we can be friends." He held no malice in his voice.

That'll change. Give it a week. Two. A year and that voice would be heavy with blood. Or maybe not. Maybe they wouldn't have the same experience as we did. With everyone that survived in the bunker, there was no one else around to harm them. Only me.

Moments later Madi was brought out. She didn't look bruised or battered, just scared.

This was her first experience with people other than me for several years, so far, it hadn't been a good one.

"Klark, chit ste disha?" (Clarke, what is happening?) "Chon laik emo kru?" (Who are these people?)

My head shook. "Foto kru kom skaikru." (Bad people from the sky)

"What are they saying?" Christina asked. She looked to Bryson.

He shrugged. "How the hell should I know?"

She gave him an irritated brow lift before she went back down the entryway.

He watched her leave, his blue shifted to mine, a little less welcoming this time. "You said you'd give us answers. Is your name Clarke?"

I stared at him.

"Tel em," Madi encouraged.

My head shook at her.

Bryson sighed, his hand ran down his face, then he gave me a parting look before he made his way outside for some air.

"Osir beda tel em ai legend." (We should tell them my story)

She wanted to tell them the bedtime story I told her most nights when she couldn't fall asleep, one of Skaikru's history on the ground. She'd heard it so many times she could recite it herself. A lot of the time she did.

My eyes burned into hers. "Tel em en osir ge wamplei." (Tell them and we die)

The others looked amongst themselves with confusion.

Vinson stalked past us and outside with a handgun. There were sounds of a struggle. Moments later he came back with Bryson knocked out cold over his shoulder.

"Lock them up," He demanded.

Madi and I locked eyes.

They came for me first.

My eyes told her not to be scared before they knocked us out again.

Water was thrown in my face to wake me up. I coughed with water in my airway. When I realized my arms were tied to chains that spread them in either direction my eyes scanned for Madi.

She was slumped over until they dashed water on her too. She gasped awake with a coughing fit. She calmed down when she saw me.

Christina brought in a tray of tools, her jaw clenched. She set the tray down and walked over to Vinson. "I'm starting to not like this plan. We aren't hostile, why should we start now?"

He gave her a look that made her back out of the room. Two of his men stood watch by the door while he grabbed a scalpel and walked toward me with it. His greyish blue eyes stared into mine. "You're going to make me use this, aren't you?"

I stared back at him.

He nodded. "One more chance, what happened here? Why is the rest of Earth dead? Where is everyone else?"

My answer was a blink.

"Emo laik na don wamplei gon yu." (They're going to kill you). "Tel em em hogeda!" (Tell them everything)

Vinson dragged the scalpel along my forearm, a neat trail of nightblood appeared along with an inconvenient pain.

The three of them stared at the black blood in fascination.

Once Vinson was over it he danced the tip up to my cheek and applied pressure. "Can you answer the questions now?"

I spat in his face. "Yu gonplei ste odon soon pleni!" (Your fight will be over soon enough)

He wiped away the spit on the back of his sleeve, then produced a buck knife from his pants holster and held it to my throat. "I see it has to be the hard way then." He cut the front of my shirt open with the edge of the knife. His eyes held a sadistic pleasure before he sliced along my stomach.

I groaned in pain. For a heart-stopping moment I looked out at the hall at the passing bodies, a brown-haired man with a familiar broad build strolled by. His tan neck on display with his head turned to something out of my view. But before I could utter the words he turned and met my gaze. I filled with disappointment. For a moment I thought they could potentially have my friends on the ship, but if they did they wouldn't be surprised by all of this.

The man with curly hair turned away and moved along.

My head lowered as I tried to harden my facade.

"Answer the questions! What happened? Where are the rest of your people?"

"Klark!" Madi cried.

I gritted my teeth together to brace for the round of pain he would inflict next.

The blade cut my side. The line of blood soon trickled down my skin.

My hands balled together in their restraints.

"Tell us what we want to know, Clarke. See, unlike Bryson, I'm not above doing what I have to in order to survive. I will kill you without flinching," His cold eyes gazed into mine. "And I'll kill your little girl while I make you watch. That's the kind of man I am." He slid the tip along my neck. "Don't make me be that man today." He sneered at me, then reeled his fist back to hit me in the face.

My head fell to the side. I spit out a little blood.

He punched me again. "I can do this all day."

My eyes challenged his.

Ironically, I was now the grounder in torture from the prisoners of the sky. How easily the tables could turn.

He cut his eyes at my balled up fist then his eyes sparked to life. He walked over, forcefully open my hand to stab the knife through it.

A painful scream left me. My eyes brimmed with tears but I bit them back.

My instinct told me these weren't good people, that they'd hurt any other grounder if they could get information out of them. My instinct told me to keep our history a secret. But when he yanked the knife out and walked over to Madi I had to do what I had to do to protect her.

"I'll give you what you want!" I yelled. "Just don't hurt her!" My voice rang of weakness.

Madi was a weakness, but one that I embraced.

He turned on his heel to give me a brightened smirk. "I thought you'd change your tune." He looked to the side. "Get Zeke in here to bandage her up."

My blood created a small pile on the floor. I did my best not to cry out as Zeke returned to fix me up with a remorseful furrow set to his brow.

"You're crazy, you know that?" Zeke threw at Vinson.

"She's going to talk, ain't she?" He threw back.

Before I could open my mouth Bryson barreled into the room with an anger he didn't seem capable of before. "What have you done?" He commanded.

Vinson continued to stare at me. "I got the job done that you couldn't. She's going to give us what we want. All it took was a few minutes of pain." He wiped his hands off with a towel handed to him.

Christina returned out of breath and perhaps a little relieved. "I tried to stop him," She told Vinson.

Bryson raised his brow at her.

She gave a tight look before moving past him.

He came to loosen the restraints but she brought her arm out to hit his defined chest. "We can't just leave her tied up. She got the cruel point." He insisted.

She got in his face. "And if we let her go what do you think will happen? She could kill a few of us." She rolled her eyes from the look he gave her. "I'm not happy about this either but we know nothing and that could get us _all_ killed. Is that what you want for our people?"

His strong jaw clenched. Indecision laid in his kind eyes. When he came to stand in front of me he radiated remorse. "When you tell us everything you know, we'll let you down. You give us a chance at surviving whatever it was that happened and we'll let you go."

I didn't think he had the authority to make that call but he was more persuasive than Vinson.

"You have my word." He promised.

My head nodded. I glanced at Madi.

She gave an encouraging half grin, what she could muster from her panic. I swallowed to wet my dry throat. With a heavy sigh, I went on, "I don't know how long you guys have been in hypersleep but down here it's 2155. When Earth was irradiated the first time we-"

"Klark," Madi interrupted. "Can I tell the story?"

They all looked at her.

I nodded for her to go on.

She brightened up a bit. "Once upon a time, there was a castle in the sky. The people that lived there were scared of the ground below. But the castle was dying so they decided to send the bad children down to the scary place to see if they could survive. In the beginning, there were a hundred of them."

"A hundred and one counting Bellamy," I interjected. She always forgot that part.

She looked at me. "A hundred and one. Right." Her eyes smug. "Anyway, they were alone with no parents so they did whatever the hell they wanted. Then the monsters came out. Some of them killed the children. Some took the children away to steal their bones. One even stole their minds. But the bad children fought back. They realized that together even bad children can do good things. They even began to see that some of the monsters were just like them."

They all looked entranced by the story.

"But when the parents came down to find their children they did not understand this. They just made things worse. The hundred fought for their land. They fought for their friends. Sometimes they fought against their own families. They tried to be the good guys but then they realized there are no good guys. And that they weren't children anymore. But it didn't matter. After all they did to survive it turned out that the scary place was haunted by a monster they could not kill. So they ran." She looked at me, loving the attention.

Bryson covered his mouth with his hand casually.

"They found a place that could save them. But they couldn't figure out how to share it until a hero rose from the ashes to unite them all. In the end, when the unkillable monster finally came not everyone made it inside. Eight warriors were forced to face the monster alone. They fought like they never fought before. But it wasn't enough. An initial one of the eight, the bravest and fairest of them all climbed the highest tower to cast a spell sending her friends back to the sky just as the monster roared in. If she had to die to save them, then she'd die. But she didn't because she had magic blood. Only now she was alone. Everyone she loved or cared about was gone. Trapped under the ground or lost in the sky. She thought she was the last person in the world but she was wrong. She found another. The most badass, correction, second most badass warrior on Earth. And they lived happily ever after."

"Good story, Madi."

She looked at me. "Klark, what happens if the monsters come back?"

I felt my protectiveness rise. "Then we'll kill them all."

Zeke cleared his throat. "Oh-kay..." He glanced around. "I know we've been locked up for a hundred plus years but what the hell is that?"

"Yeah," Christina walked toward me. "Do you think we're stupid? Monsters and warriors, magic blood. What is any of that supposed to mean?"

I didn't like her.

"It means that I was once you. Every single one of you. Terrified, hungry, emotional. Then we all learned the hard way that we weren't the only the people on the ground." I looked around the room.

They looked amongst themselves.

Bryson cleared his throat again. "What does that mean? You know where the others are? They can give us shelter and food?"

His hope made me give a wry laugh. "Not unless you can help me dig them from the rubble." I almost felt sad for them, they should've stayed in hypersleep. "Welcome to the ground."

Christina moved toward Bryson. "She speared Jace. He's dead because of her. Are we just going to let that slide?"

"Your friend isn't dead." I stared at her. "He'll make it but only if you take me to him."

Her brown eyes narrowed. "Why should we believe you?"

I leaned forward. "Because I poisoned him. And you won't find the cure. He'll be dead before the day's out. That's if the animals don't get to him first."

She turned to Vinson. "He's dead. She'll never help us after you tortured her." She threw the blame on him.

Bryson stepped closer to me. "If I let you go will you take me to him?"

"She'll never-"

"I'll do it." I interrupted Christina. "I'll do it."

Bryson reminded me of me. A younger, more naive, and hopeful version of me, but still me.

He nodded. "Thank you." He easily worked my restraints.

I stumbled to the floor.

Zeke caught me. "You okay, Clarke?"

My eyes went to Madi. "Yeah," I pushed him off to go free Madi from her handcuffs.

She attacked me with a hug. "Don't leave me here." Her voice trembled.

"If you come with us you have to stay by my side. No wondering off."

She nodded vigorously against my chest. "Nou get yu daun." (Don't worry)

It hadn't felt like such a display piece since my Wanheda days. Vinson insisted our hands be tied up, if I were in their shoes I would insist the same. So Madi and I lead the way with old-fashioned metal handcuffs around our wrists.

A few minutes into the walk Madi turned to me with understanding. "Yu laik nou na aid em laik yu?" (You're not really going to help them, are you?)

I stared straight ahead. "No, ai laik nou." (No, I'm not)

Her little blue eyes burned into my face. "Chit laik yu na do kom em?" (What are you going to do to them?)

"Teik a klir graun teik em out." (Let the traps take them out)

The disappointment rolling off of her didn't escape me.

"Yu get klin mou beda." (You know better).

"Chil au," (Stay calm). "Ai ge osir odon gon disha." (I'll get us out of this)

Vinson huffed. "I wish we knew what the hell they were saying."

I didn't have a choice. The bad man would go first. He'd probably take a few of them with him. There was time to pull Bryson out the line of danger when the time came. That I'd do for Madi and maybe for myself to prove I wasn't all bad. Or perhaps I was. Perhaps the six years hadn't taught me as much as I liked to think.

BELLAMY'S POV:

 _Flashback_

To walk through these halls again was to be back home in a way I never thought possible. Space wasn't home anymore, it hadn't been for a long time. Home had been Earth. Home had been Arkadia. Home had been Clarke. Now I didn't have any of that.

A clear glass, aged bottle of alcohol sat in the large window that displayed our burning Earth with dark brown, red, purple, and green. All a swirl of death and destruction. All a product of humanity's worst habits.

I reached out for the bottle that read 'The Baton', sealed with red candle wax. With it in my hand, I couldn't help but think back to our early time on the ground; when I told Clarke to have a drink before we went to war, when I asked her to come inside after Mount Weather. 'Have one for me' she had told me.

My eyes ran over the bottle, then they went back to the unforgettable tragedy below us, completely out of our control.

Raven walked my way and stopped beside me.

I glanced at her.

"She saved us again," She noted.

I looked at her and nodded with the little energy I had.

She tried not to get emotional. "You think we can do this without her?"

My jaw clenched. I couldn't rip my gaze away from no doubt what had been Clarke's fiery death to make sure we got to live. "If we don't she died in vain," I wanted to go back down there and search for her but even if I could get back I wouldn't last a second in the atmosphere. "And I'm not going to let that happen." My eyes eventually went to Raven. "You with me?"

She looked at me. "Always."

A few weeks went by of my standing by the window with my eyes on the planet in catastrophe. I'd take a shot of the vodka and curse myself for being so stupid, for not coming forward with my feelings. At least I'd have an answer, not just an unknown void of how she felt. Maybe things would've been different. Maybe it wouldn't have been Clarke that went. Maybe it would've been Echo left behind and Clarke up here with me.

Raven stood in the hallway, she always was the one to come get me. "Hey, we're having dinner if you want to join?"

My tired eyes couldn't muster up the energy to look her way. "I'm not hungry."

"You're never hungry."

That's what kind of happens when you lose your home, your sister, and your best friend all at once. I could go back down over time, I could see Octavia when it was safe, but I could never hold Clarke again. Or tell her I was glad I snuck down on the dropship. Or put my fingers in her golden hair as we hugged our pain away.

Silence filled the air.

She sighed. "Bellamy, you gotta eat. We need you up here. I need you."

My eyes dropped to my empty cup. "What's the point to all this, Raven?" I looked up at her. "Why'd we survive all of Earth's trials to only end up back up here? What was the point of it all?"

"You're drunk,"

I shook my head. "I'm just talking." My words slurred.

"Well, I can't make you eat. You know where is it when you want it." She gave me a parting look before she left me alone.

Soon the bottle became empty. Soon I realized that I couldn't drown my sorrows any longer. I had to feel it.

It was cold here. I forgot how cold. No Sun. No rain. No fresh air. We were stuck and I wanted to scream into the void.

I stumbled to my poor excuse of a room. There wasn't much of anything in it that I could trash so I throw the crate by the pile of blankets. I ripped or tried to rip my only source of warmth at night. My shoe kicked the wall as a holler left me.

She was gone.

"Hey, calm down." Murphy tried to stop me.

I shoved him back so my fist could pound into the wall.

"He's piss drunk again." Monty noted before he left.

"Bellamy," Raven arrived. "Get out, everyone. Now." She made her way to me. She slapped me across the face. "You need to get a hold of yourself."

My face stung from her blow but it was nothing in comparison to how my heart felt. "What's the point? She's dead."

"I understand."

The anger inside boiled. "Understand what?" I drilled holes into her with my eyes.

She didn't waver. "That you loved her."

My eyes burned. Regret filled me. "I didn't tell her..." My throat grew thick with tears. "I didn't tell her how I..." I stared at Raven helplessly. The tears I held back for weeks finally spilled over as I cried out.

She rushed to hug me. "I'm sorry."

My head fell to her shoulder. While her comfort was what I needed, she wasn't Clarke.

"She's dead, Raven."

Her hold on me tightened. "I know. I miss her too."

Clarke was in my DNA, without her I didn't know how to move forward. I didn't want to let her go.

 _Three months later_

I stood in the window not doing much of anything but standing and staring.

"You think you're going to get a tan like that?" Echo asked.

The Deathwave still swirled around Earth. Time for joking had long passed.

She moved toward me. "It's okay, I know you have nothing left. Neither do I."

I cut my eye at her. "Is that why you're here? To start a book club?"

Her head shook. "No, I came to talk to you. You're the only one in this place that gets it."

"I'm sure Emori will lend an ear." I waved her off.

She came to lean against the window. "She and I are very different. Plus she has John. I have no one."

My brow lifted at her. "And that makes you think we are the same?"

She shrugged. "Why not? The people we care about most are on the ground, presumably dead."

In my heart, I felt like Clarke was still alive. That wouldn't ever die out. I just had to convince my head to let her go.

"But then again, maybe not." She pulled something from her coat pocket.

It was a radio, a horrible looking radio, but still a radio.

I wasn't sure what to say so I looked at her.

"Raven didn't want to get your hopes up until she knew it could work." She handed it over.

It sat heavy in my hands. Communication was now possible. If there was anybody out there to communicate with.

"Maybe now you'll pick your heart up off the floor." She said, then walked away.

Eager to test out the radio I sank to the floor. "Is anybody out there? Over."

It became a waiting game. Every few minutes I'd send my message out with no answer in return. Days passed with me at that window with a singular motivation. Hear a familiar voice.

Monty came with a few of my things so I could get as comfortable as I could in a place like this. He came back later with food.

"Thanks," I muttered tiredly.

He nodded. He made it to the exit then turned around. "Try switching between FM and AM."

After he left I did as instructed. "Can anybody hear me? Come in. Over." With no answer after a minute I was about to give up for the day or night, it was hard to tell here.

"Bellamy, it's been ninety-two days since Praimfaya. I'm alive, obviously." Clarke's voice wrapped around me.

My heart stopped in my chest. She was alive.

"I'm doing okay on food, but I think I'm already starting to go insane." She gave a wry laugh. "That's not good."

I stood to my feet. My eyes gazed out at the cloud of radiation that had gradually simmered down. Somehow I couldn't get a word out.

"My hope is that the bunker will stay sealed until the air's breathable again. Being that I already know I can survive it I'll just have to keep going outside to see what's survivable."

My head shook. _No_ , I wanted to say. _Don't do that._

"I hope that you're all alive up there. I hope that you're okay."

"Clarke," I finally got it out. "I'm here." A smile found my face.

She sighed. "Maybe that's the hardest part of all of this, not knowing if you actually made it."

What?

I cleared my throat and made sure the button was pressed down. "Princess, I'm here." I gave a nod in good faith. "I made it."

She cried into the receiver. "I don't know how to do this without _you_. Any of it." She sobbed.

My head hung when I realized she couldn't hear me. "Clarke," I said anyway. I pressed the radio to my forehead.

She composed herself. "When I said you had heart I meant it. Without you, I don't have much of one. I'm all alone down here." She sniffled. "I need you, Bellamy."

Tears fogged my eyes. "I need you too, Clarke." Damn, did I need her. Without her, I was all emotion and not enough head. I made stupid decisions. Like leaving her down there.

"I know you're not there but I don't have anyone else, so like the day before and the week before that I'll be here. Everyday. The same time. I'm not sure what good it'll do but I need to hold onto something."

A few moments passed of her uncertainty to let the call die before she wasn't there anymore.

I peered out the inflamed planet, wondering how long the lab would hold up. That had to be where she was.

With the good news, I made it to the lounge area.

They all looked up from the game they were playing, probably freaked out by the happy expression on my face.

Raven stepped forward. A speculative look in her eyes. "It worked, didn't it? You heard someone?"

"Clarke," I said with an air of lightness. "I heard Clarke. She's alive."

They all stilled in disbelief.

"How is that even possible? Earth is soaked in radiation." Murphy exclaimed. "No one, not even a nightblood should be able to survive those levels that soon."

My head shook. "I don't know how but she did. She was talking to me. Kind of. I-I didn't get to speak with her directly. The walkie couldn't connect us. She thinks we're all dead."

Raven held her hand up. "I believe you, I'll just run some tests to make sure. Maybe a routine psych eval wouldn't hurt." She reached a tentative hand out for the radio.

I held it away. My forehead creased as I stared at her. "You think I'm crazy?" I looked at all of them, watching them give me pitiful stares. "You all think I'm crazy?" I backed away from them. "I heard her voice."

I was sure of it.

The heavier their disbelief rang in their expressions the less I believed myself. What if I hadn't heard Clarke's voice? What if I was going crazy from deep space? What if I imagined the entire radio conversation?

The guilt I buried for leaving her behind flooded to the surface. My pain spilled over.

I was going to turn to Raven for comfort but Echo got to me first. Her closeness generally made me uncomfortable because I didn't trust her but in that moment it was what I needed. Something to distract from the heartache inside. I embraced her hold.

"We can wait for her to reach out again. We'll keep the line open." Raven insisted, but I could tell she didn't believe it was a possibility purely from the math she'd done for the time it would've taken Clarke to get back to the lab. By her calculations, it was damn near impossible.

That was the beauty of Clarke, she always beat the odds.

 _Nine months later_.

It had been a year since I started coming and sitting in view of the window, Earth just outside of it, and listened to Clarke's messages every day. The others were shocked to find that I was right, that she was indeed alive.

Raven tried repeatedly to modify the radio so we could get in contact with her but she just couldn't get it to work. She feared if she fiddled with it anymore that she'd fry it. "Is the chance worth it?" She had asked. "To be able to talk to her again or possibly not hearing her voice."

I took a few days to think about it before I told her we'd get back down there eventually. Until then I could handle not being able to respond. Or that's what I thought all those months ago.

Loving Clarke would forever be a part of me but I couldn't go four more years like that, my wholeness dependent upon hearing her voice every day. Most of my time revolved around this room, looking out that window. That wasn't a way to live. And that was the point to all of this, to live. If she knew what I was doing she wouldn't be happy about it. She'd tell me to move on.

The real question was could I ever truly move on from Clarke when she set the bar so high? It wasn't until her that I believed in soulmates. Not that they had to be romantic but I believed our souls were meant to touch each other's, that they were forever connected. I believed she felt the same way. You didn't go through what we did together and not. Hell, her messages had long since turned borderline passionate.

Her message today wasn't any different. "I don't know if I can make it four more years, Bell." Her voice cracked. "Four more years of not knowing, of hoping that when you come down we can, if you come down...I don't know." She gathered herself. "I miss you. Everyday. Maybe I should but I don't want to let you go."

I silently prayed that she didn't. How selfish when I was faced with making the same choice.

On the off chance, she actually got my messages I always held the button down as if she did. "I miss you too, Princess." I thought of the friendship I forged with Echo, how she became my sounding board of all people. She wasn't subtle about wanting something more. The only thing holding me back was this part of my day. I liked Echo. Maybe I wasn't in love with her but I wanted the chance to find out because I couldn't make it through this for four more years and not lose myself completely. And maybe we wouldn't be together today or tomorrow but I deserved the chance to find out.

"I'm sorry," My eyes stung. I uttered the words I never thought would leave my mouth when it came to Clarke. "I wish things were different. I wish I were down there with you, but I'm not, and I won't be for a while." My eyes closed. "I know I'm asking a lot but I need you to do me a favor." My tears leaked over. "I need you to let me go, Clarke."

She began to cry again. "I can't." She sobbed. "I can't do it, Bell."

I knew she couldn't hear me but it still hurt nonetheless.

"Maybe one day I can, just not today."

My hand wiped at my face.

That was the difference between us now, I had to let her go today.

"Goodbye, Clarke." My hand twisted the volume down until it was off completely.

I stood, the back of my sleeve wiped the rest of the wetness from my eyes. I would no doubt feel guilt for the rest of my days up here for leaving her alone. She didn't know I was there but I still felt obligated to listen. She probably thought she was the only person alive with no contact from the bunker. How could I leave her hanging emotionally when I had already done it physically? It would be hard but I knew I had to.

Footsteps brought me to attention.

Echo came to a stop in the entryway. She looked at me with understanding eyes. "You did it,"

I nodded.

"You okay?" She took a step forward.

I took one toward her. "I will be."

Her gaze momentarily went to the side before she met mine again. "You want to get some dinner? I hear the algae is crisp tonight."

I came to realize she was surprisingly funny when she wasn't worried about her duty to her clan. She was actually zen up here, something that I needed around me if I was going to make it through the rest of our time up here.

A half grin fell on my lips. "Yeah, I'd like that." I started for her.

We walked side by side.

She tried to hide her grin with a frown and then pressed her lips together.

She may not be Clarke but she was my friend, one that I was attracted to, one that I wouldn't mind being intimate with once I healed up a bit more.

 _Five years later_.

The day we were supposed to go home was the worst day of all of our lives because it didn't happen. Monty and Raven worked to get everything in order only for the thrusters to not operate. Without them, we were sitting in a launch pod that couldn't go anywhere.

For days they tried different things but nothing worked. It was a series of mixed emotions all around. We thought we'd get to see our friends again, our family. I got my hopes up too high and Echo and I were forced to take a break. She thought I didn't have Clarke out of my system and maybe I didn't but I couldn't help that I wanted to see her and my sister after five years of separation.

We eventually worked things out. I had to re-accept that this was life for an extended amount of time. It became easier when I gave up all hope of ever going back to Earth.

Our relationship wasn't the only one put to the test. Monty and Harper were constantly on again and off again. Not being able to escape the person you love at times puts added pressure on a relationship. But they were considered one of the lucky ones.

Due to an accident that none of us could have seen coming, Emori was sucked into space when one of the screws had fallen out of a panel, the hatch opened up unexpectedly. She was gone before we could save her.

Murphy was a mess for a long time, probably longer than I was. Two years later and he was able to laugh again and dish out smart ass one-liners. I don't think any of us could've done that besides Raven. They'd grown close in Emori's death. Closer than they were when she was alive.

Raven wouldn't admit it to Murphy but I knew she cared about him in a way that he was blind to. It wasn't my place to tell him, she would have to buck up herself.

We all sat in the mess hall as we ate the same algae that we had every day.

"Six years and it still tastes like ass," Murphy added.

Harper laughed.

Raven lifted her brow at me. "You think it tastes like ass?"

I nodded. "Pretty much."

Echo smiled at me.

"Reyes," Murphy turned to her. "You think tomorrow you can season it a bit?"

Her head tilted. "Sure, Cockroach. I'll get right on that right after I manage to get our piss to not taste like piss."

He raised a hand. "Just a suggestion."

"You can take that suggestion and shove it up your tight, scrawny ass." She sometimes didn't know how to control her feelings for him so she hide them under fake animosity that flew past him every time.

His hand flattened against his chest as he looked at us. "A little hostile but I think that was a compliment, what about you guys?"

Monty gave him a knowing look before he kicked his chair leg and he fell back to the floor.

Echo and I laughed together.

When we finished dinner she held out her hand. "Come on, I've got something set up for us."

I grabbed hers with a grin.

We weren't perfect for each other by any means but we were happy. We worked together. Up here that was all we could ask for.

She splayed out a few blankets with two cups and a bottle of what looked like alcohol.

"Where'd you find that?" I asked excitedly.

We sat down in view of a darkened Earth with one spot of green.

"In an old box hidden away. There were a few more but I figured we'd only need the one." She said with suggestion in her dark eyes.

I grinned at her. "Oh yeah?" I leaned in for a kiss.

She nodded. "Yeah," She said almost against my lips.

I pulled away. "Well, I think we should share with the others." I moved like I was getting up.

Her laughter filled the room as she pulled me back to her. "Bellamy,"

We smiled at each other.

I moved in for a kiss, one that I could count on to get me through the rest of this life. When I moved back she gave me that look of hers that assured me she wasn't going anywhere if she had a say in the matter.

We poured ourselves a cup then leaned against each other, our chatter gave us amusement.

With my arm around her, I had almost fallen asleep when I glanced at the window. I stilled, then shook her awake.

She grunted for me to leave her alone.

"You're going to want to see this." I slapped her ass. "Now wake up."

One of her eyes shot a sleepy dagger at me. "This better be good."

I pointed to the ship heading for Earth.

She stilled too. "They're going to the ground."

I untangled from the blankets to stand. "We have to get the others." I caught Monty before everyone else.

"This better be good, I was working on something." Raven told me.

They too didn't believe the sight before them.

"Who are they?" It was a question none of us could know.

Raven limped back down the hall with determination.

Murphy followed her. "Do you know something?"

We followed them.

"I remember reading about a corporation sending up prisoners to mine for them in 2048. I wonder if it could be them?"

"If it's them they're about to be really pissed off." He added.

Raven stopped. "That's it."

We stopped.

She turned to us with the wheels turning in her head.

"What are you thinking?" Monty asked.

Her hand went to Murphy's shoulder. "You're a genius."

He nodded. "What did I do?"

"Pee," She looked at Monty. "We can use our pee!" She moved toward him. "Think about it,"

He wasn't connecting the dots like she had.

"We could filter out the contaminants, the water could potentially turn to hydrogen gas." She waited for him to reach the rest of the plan.

His eyes widened. "We'd just need to create a powder similar to borax."

The rest of us looked at each other in confusion.

Murphy sighed. "We're not following, Oh Big Brains."

"Then we'd have to build a portable generator built to withstand combustion." Raven thought out loud. "We could use the water acclimator."

Monty began to pace while he thought. "This could work."

Harper sighed. "What the hell are you two talking about?"

They turned to us.

Raven gave a hopeful grin. "I think I found a way for us to get back to Earth."

Her words sunk in after several moments. 'Get back to Earth'. Get back to my sister. I could get back to Clarke.

My eyes looked to Echo.

She stared at me with defeat before she finally looked away.

I tried to tell her that this if it worked, it wouldn't change anything but the words wouldn't come.

Raven gave me a knowing look with a raised brow. "If we do this then our water acclimator is gone and our watered down piss will actually be piss."

None of us were excited about that.

I gave a nod back. "Do it."

A/N: I got the idea for pee fuel from my own head then I read an article that debunked it but I still thought the method sounded believable enough to work in science fiction. Also, sorry for the translations being formatted oddly but it was the only way I found that didn't distract from being in the story presently. Otherwise, with a key you'd have to stop at the place you're at, scroll to the top and find the phrase. Not in my house. Anyways, if yall want more let me know. I'm interested to hear what yall think of the relationships this chapter.

I'd like to point out that I'm torn between Bellamy being with Raven and Echo in space, only in space. I'm Bellarke to the core, rest assured. However, in space I think that logically Raven and Bellamy make more sense and I like their friendship. I'm not partial to Echo but I am excited that Tasya is now a series regular so we can see more of her and get to see a side of Echo that could make us like her. I'm actually really excited to see who she becomes in space when on the ground her only purpose was being loyal to Roan and her clan. That was her whole development. Without that purpose driving her who is she? Anyway, the biggest reason I went with Becho and not Rellamy in this is because on the show I don't want to see Raven and Bellamy be in love in space and once they get to the ground and find Clarke see that unravel in a way that hurts Raven. She deserves better than that (bitch I ship Maven/Murven, which is kinda weird for me considering my last bellarke fic was heavily Moctavia) and I don't want to see another love interest of Raven's slip through her fingers to go be with Clarke. At least, if you don't ship Becho then we can get over that break up when Bellarke inevitably happens. I'd actually like to see Becho last a bit on the ground despite Bellarke growing closer again and Echo being the one to end things so we can see her independent and trying to be happy on her own. Also, I killed Emori cuz I didn't feel like writing for her. I like her okay but not enough to waste time on her. I suppose that death was uncalled for, but whatcha gonna do? Thoughts?


	2. If I Lose Myself I Lost it All

Quick clarification, I understand that more than one person may be confused about why Clarke all of sudden resorted to kill the Eligius group members and why they didn't "hear" Clarke and Madi talking. In the Comic-Con recap of all the season and what little bit they gave us of the new season in that trailer (was released as a recap trailer months ago fyi) Madi told the same story she did to the prisoners in this and at the end when Madi asked what would happen if the monsters came back Clarke did say the same thing, that she'd "Kill them all." So I went off of that. I'd assume that she was super protective over Madi and wanting to keep her safe at all costs. When she was crouched in the tree they did say they were basically gonna kidnap them and get answers and they said it with weapons. Naturally, that's considered a threat in her eyes.

As far as the prisoners not being "able to hear" Madi and Clarke's conversation, what I think some people misunderstood as Vinson kept trying to get Clarke to talk/when they kept saying she's going to talk referred them trying to get her to talk English _to them_ and give them the answers. They had a full-fledged conversation in front of the prisoners, it would be impossible for them to not hear them talking haha. If the language is so different that I have to put translations in there some of us recognize certain words after four years of watching the show I imagine that the Eligius prisoners wouldn't understand after a few minutes. In case y'all have any more concerns like that please let me know so I can clear them up :)

Also, I figured that not everyone would want to sit through a really long chapter or a few chapters of Bellamy and Clarke going through the motions for a few years and Raven tells him she can get them to the ground. I will most likely do a few more flashbacks throughout the story but to get to the part we're all here, Bellarke reuniting, it's going to move forward.

The song for this chapter is Alex Aiono - Runnin (lose it all)

BELLAMY'S POV:

Monty and Raven spend the next few hours pouring, tightening, mixing, and drilling away.

We all knew that we shouldn't get our hopes up but it was too late.

Murphy, Harper, and I sat together while Echo stood off to the side in thought.

"Do you think they can really do it?" Harper voiced.

I looked at Murphy.

He nodded. "If anyone can it's Raven."

Harper gave a small grin at that, undoubtedly seeing what I saw.

"What do you think it's like down there now?" I mumbled.

"Only one way to find out." Harper looked at me with a pointed stare. She gestured behind us at Echo. "Go talk to her."

I rose because I knew she was right. Echo's worry had to do with facing her people and feeling like a traitor but also had to do with her belief that I'd drop her as soon as I got sight of Clarke. That wasn't the case.

When I neared her she held her hand up. "Not now, Bellamy." Her voice distant.

I tried to reach forward. "Hey,"

She backed away. "I said not now." She turned and left for probably what was our room.

The others looked away when I spun around. I spent the remainder of the time inside of my head.

A little while later Raven said, "I think we're done, boys and girls." She looked at Monty. "Let's test it." She suited up.

He glanced back at Harper before he pushed open the hangar door.

It took Raven a few minutes to make her way out there. The hard part was waiting to see if the thrusters actually worked once she did her mechanic thing inside, then she was inside with no problem.

We waited for her to started it up after all this time.

For a few make it or break it moments our sanity hung by the possibility of it not working, but then it was propelled from the fuel.

I gasped.

"Yes!" Monty cheered.

Harper ran to hug him. "You did it! We're going home!"

I looked back at Murphy.

He nodded. "Pack your bag, we're going for a ride."

We waited for Raven to get back to hear her verdict in case we overestimated what looked like our victory.

She took off her helmet and gave a bright smile. "Looks like we're going to Earth. Pack up. Suit up in five."

We dispersed for our things.

I ran for Echo. "Hey,"

She sat in our room on our bed. She looked up. "Let me guess, we get to go home?"

"Yeah," I moved to grab what little I had. "We're leaving in a few."

She didn't move.

"Are you not taking anything?"

Her eyes found mine. "What's there to take? When we get to the ground none of this will have mattered."

I stopped what I was doing to go sit by her. My hand grabbed hers. "When we get down there I'm not leaving you if that's what you're worried about. We made it up here together, we can make it down there together."

Her hand slipped from mine. "Would we have made it up here together if Clarke had been with us?"

No words would come when I tried to answer the question.

She took that as her answer, then she rose to grab her suit.

I followed her with mine in my hand. "Can we not do this?" I asked, agitated.

"Sure, let's just end things right now to save us the trouble." She walked on like this wasn't hard for me too.

"Echo," When she kept walking I grabbed her hand to pull her to me. "Hey, I know this is scary for you, it's scary for me too. But I don't want Clarke, not like that. Not anymore. Do you get that?"

Her dark eyes ran over my face. "Do you really believe that? When you see her again will you still want to make things work with me?"

My head nodded. "Of course, I love you."

She took her hand from mine. "I know you want to believe that, Bellamy. I do, too. We aren't on the ground yet, so don't make a promise to me that you can't keep." She backed away.

For a few moments, I mulled over what she said. Maybe she was right. Things would inevitably be different when we got back down but that didn't mean I wouldn't still love her.

When I joined everyone else they were already suited up. I quickly put mine on so we could file out to the pod.

Raven spoke to the computer to resume launch sequence.

Nostalgia overtook the atmosphere. It had really been six years of living the Go-Sci ring that we most of the time hated, but we made due. We filled it with as much laughter as we could, as much bonding as humanly possible. We had to say goodbye to all of that, an experienced between the seven of us that survived that no one else had been through. It was oddly bittersweet. Who would've thought we'd be a little sad to leave?

Now there were two empty seats in the pod.

Murphy stared at what would've been Emori's spot.

Raven noticed for a brief moment then continued to set us on course.

Before we launched I unbuckled my seatbelt to go to Echo. My hand went to her shoulder as I kissed her.

She kissed me back but the joy on her part was missing.

As a last ditch effort, I repeated, "I love you."

Her eyes looked at me with distance again. "I know."

I looked at Monty, Harper, and Murphy for a solution but they didn't have any. All the had for me were looks that said they agreed with Echo on this one. If none of them thought I could do it after all this time then could I?

The pod was disattached from the ring, then the thrusters kicked in. We held onto our surroundings and each other if we could.

"We're really doing this," Harper said, still in slight disbelief.

Monty grabbed her hand in joy. "Yeah, we are."

Raven looked back at us, her eyes found mine. "Earth, here we come."

Soon enough we were hurtling through space, all of us going through an inner panic.

CLARKE'S POV:

"We've been walking for a while," Vinson said. "How do we know she's leading us in the right direction and not off a cliff?"

"We don't," Bryson looked at me. "We're just going to have to trust her."

The others scoffed.

"Beja nou do disha," Madi begged. (Please don't do this)

"Can you two speak English from now on?" Christina voiced. "It's not like we can understand you."

That was the point.

I often wondered that if everyone in the bunker was still alive would the need to speak Trigedasleng be of any use? Would it be considered a dead language? How sad it was for an entire culture of people to be washed away.

Bryson chuckled at her irritation.

Perhaps I was acting too brashly. I looked at Madi. She didn't want me to do this. If I did what example would I be setting for her? Kill everyone we didn't know. But what if they hurt us?

The rational part of my brain, a part felt like I hadn't used in a long time, told me they could help us get to the bunker. I could get my family back, at least, part of my family.

These people didn't have to die today because I wanted to make sure things stayed the same. It was long past that. It was time for a change. Sure, this wasn't the change I envisioned but I needed to learn to trust again. That wouldn't be easy by a long shot but I could try. If not for me then for Madi, so she'd have a better future. One filled with my mom and Octavia. Even Indra.

"How much further?" Bryson brought me back to the present.

I took in our surroundings and stopped. "Wait." We were in the middle of my minefield so to speak.

Christina rushed forward with Jace not too far in the distance. "There he is!"

Shit.

"Don't go any further," I tried to warn.

Bryson went after her. "Chris,"

She started to fall into my trap of spikes I learned from the grounders, but Bryson caught her by the arm.

Zeke rushed forward. "Shit."

Vinson gave me a scowl. "You rigged this place, huh?"

I bit back a response that would only start an argument. "I tried to warn you. If she would've listened she'd would be okay."

Zeke helped Bryson pull her up.

Once she was to safety she panted with her back on the ground.

Bryson joined her as they briefly locked eyes.

A growl came from nearby.

Madi and I stared at each other. This wasn't about to be good.

Everyone stilled.

"What was that?" Zeke asked.

"Let me go and I'll cut him down," I told Vinson.

He cut his eye at me. "Do you think I'm dumb?"

I nodded. "You can insult me later, you need to untie me because whatever it is that's coming will try to kill us and Jace."

His head shook. "No way." He drew his gun. "We can handle this ourselves."

The growling noise grew closer.

Bryson and Christina cautiously stood.

"Can ai frag em op?" Madi looked at me. (Can I kill it?) She had worked her tiny wrists through the handcuffs somehow and drew the buck knife from Vinson's holster.

He looked down at her. "Hey, kid." He admonished.

"Jok yu!" (Fuck you)

I bit back a laugh.

The white panther with glowing streaks of blood pounced mid-air at Bryson.

He held a look of panic on his face.

Christina swiftly kicked him out of the way to replace him in the line of attack, she produced a blade that dug into the animal's chest as it tackled her to the forest floor. She let out a warrior's cry as she sliced through its belly.

Vinson ran to her while Zeke pulled the panther off.

Bryson just stared at her in shock.

Her gaze cut to him after Vinson helped her stand. She gave him a small nod.

His brow furrowed when he stood to his feet. He headed my direction with a key. "You're going to get him down. Now." His tone a little less friendly and I could understand why. He freed me from my handcuffs.

"If you had listened-" I started.

"You intentionally led us here." He cut me off. "Get him down and we'll leave you alone."

I rubbed my sore wrists, then nodded. A part of me did feel bad because I had been in their situation plenty but at the very end of the day, I had myself and Madi to look out for. That didn't mean that I couldn't try to extend an honest olive branch.

After I cut Jace down I carried him to his people.

He looked terrible, the poultice would only do so much so I offered to help.

"I can get the necessary algae to help him live."

"It's the least you could do." Christina pointed out.

I wasn't above pinning her to a tree but that would only take me backward.

My eyes went to Bryson. "Do you want my help or not?"

He glanced at Zeke and Vinson before he nodded. "We need Jace. He's the smartest brain we've got."

Madi jumped up and down with excitement. "Mochof." (Thank you)

Vinson groaned. "Can you two speak English? It's getting annoying trying to figure out what the fuck you're talking about."

My eyes rolled.

We were off to find the red seaweed that healed Jasper when he'd been hit. It wasn't as easy to find as last time, it took almost two hours.

"There," Madi pointed toward the middle of the lake.

Vinson headed in the water.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," I warned.

He kept on anyway.

"What?" Zeke looked at me in fascination. "Is there like a radiated crocodile in there or something?"

A trail waded through the water toward Vinson.

"Or something," I answered. "Vinson, you need to get out now!"

"Hey, she's right!" Christina yelled. "There's something coming for you."

He spotted it as he grabbed the seaweed. "Fuck."

It circled around him.

"A little help here guys." He called.

Zeke laughed. "Karma's a bitch, isn't it?"

I looked at him and shook my head in amusement.

Our laughter was wiped away when whatever it was took him under.

Madi ran down the lake far enough to throw rocks into the distance to distract it.

"That's a good idea." Bryson followed suit in the opposite direction.

Jace started to wildly cough which caused Zeke to go to him.

Vinson struggled to get free but he had a moment of clarity when the water monster zipped down the lake.

"Vinson, run!" Christina inched into the water to try and meet him halfway.

Unfortunately, they were a bigger distraction than what Madi and Bryson provided. The monster raced through for them.

"Hurry!" I rushed forward to help pull them out.

Christina held the seaweed up and threw it onto the land so even if we all died by sea monster someone could get the cure to Jace.

Bryson and Madi rushed toward us, looks of extreme worry on their faces as the three of us made it out just in time to escape death.

Christina and Vinson stared at me as they caught their breath.

I knew what the intended to say so I nodded anyway.

"What do we do with this stuff now?" Zeke asked.

I looked around at them. "Now I make a tea for him. It's the best way to ingest it."

Color me shocked when we made it back to my camp. At the arrival, I wouldn't have thought I'd be extending an invitation to our home but here I was.

With the Sun setting low in the sky, I built a fire with the help of Madi, then began the process of making the tea.

They all surrounded the fire for warmth. Except for Vinson that helped Madi skin the panther for dinner.

As I rinsed the seaweed in a bit of drinking water Christina came up to me.

I met her eyes.

She sighed. "Thank you." She cleared her throat uncomfortably like apologizing was the hardest feat she'd had to endure. "I'm sorry for playing a role in your torture. You seem like the kind of person that would understand." She gestured around us. "We, um, we've been locked up for a while. You can't imagine how this feels for us."

I drained the seaweed with a few good shakes. "This may be hard for you to understand but we're more alike than you realize."

She scanned me up and down. "I think we're all looking forward to a bigger explanation." She headed back to the campfire.

He talked with Zeke about what their next move could be. He didn't notice that Christina stared at him with heavy eyes across the fire.

My head shook at the nostalgia that washed over me. I could easily point out the similarities between them and Bellamy and I. I only hoped that if they survived they wouldn't have to go through what we did. Separated by the stars, thousands of miles between us. Uncertainty.

Once the seaweed was dried out over the fire I started to grind it up.

Zeke and Madi had gathered some sticks long enough to use as skewers for the meat.

The Sun had long since dipped under the horizon. The starry night surrounded us.

They passed out skewers of uncooked meat so they could cook their own portion to their satisfaction. The smell of burning meat filled the air.

"Alright, Clarke. We've waited long enough." Bryson offered a kind grin. "We want to hear what really happened."

Madi rolled her eyes. "I wasn't lying."

Zeke patted her shoulder in comfort.

My mind went back to the start of it all. I explained as best I could.

"Like Madi said, our home in the sky was dying. Life support was failing on the Ark. They couldn't afford to stay up there or we would've all died within three months. So the council sent us to the ground, a hundred juvenile delinquents. When we got here we thought we were the only people but we soon figured out the last grounder that died on the Ark wasn't the last grounder at all. There were twelve clans, they had survived, thrived down here. At first, we didn't understand why they attacked us," My eyes clouded over in memory. "We met with one of their officials. Turns out we were in their territory, uninvited and unknown. A threat."

Algae seemed about ready so I poured it into a pan so it could boil over the fire with my makeshift holder.

"We didn't want war. Bellamy and I tried to keep us all alive but we couldn't. The grounders wanted us gone but we didn't want to leave." I looked around the fire at them. "So we fought. When the rest of our people came down they didn't understand their customs, much like we didn't, but at least we understood how the ground worked. Down here weakness it death. We did what we had to in order to survive."

"She even sent Bellamy into the mountain even though she loved him." She said in a sing-songy voice.

My eyes cut to hers.

"Bellamy was your co-leader?" Zeke clarified.

I nodded. "Without the other, we wouldn't have survived. We tried it our own when the Mountain Men took us for our bone marrow. We tried it when Arkadia wanted to go to war with the twelve clans. We just worked better when we were together."

"Like together together?" Vinson asked.

My face heated up, my eyes went to the ground. "No, not like that."

"But she wanted it to be after it was too late," Madi added.

"Daun ste pleni, Madi." (That's enough)

She sat back with a sour face.

Bryson leaned forward. "What does that mean?"

My eyes went to the sky. "In Madi's story, she said there was a monster we couldn't kill. She was talking about the Praimfaya. It was a Deathwave essentially. Levels of radiation became too high again. We tried to find solutions but in the end, I'm not sure any of it worked. My people became the thirteenth clan with the help of the Commander." I gave a fond half smile.

"She loved her too, by the way." Madi quickly said.

I nodded. "I did."

"Who was the Commander?" Christina asked. "Like a President?"

"Just about," I looked at the fire. "Lexa and I tried to stop the war but in the end, the war stopped her. She held the twelve clans together and helped us become the thirteenth clan with her coalition. In her death chaos rose along with the end of the world. There was a bunker that we found, only it wasn't big enough to fit everyone from every clan inside so we held what was called a conclave, we had one warrior from each clan fight to the death. The champion left standing would win the bunker for their clan."

Madi jumped up. "Octavia from Skaikru won, the girl from the floor. She's so badass." She produced her sword and flung it through the air. "She's all like die die die."

They all chuckled at her, even Vinson.

I wondered what it would be like for the two of them to meet. Octavia was her favorite hero of them all.

I continued with the story, "We were almost to safety but Raven was stuck in the lab trying to come up with a viable cure that could create nightblood."

Madi came to cut my hand.

"This is nightblood. It was how the grounders initially survived. Becca pramheda, the first commander, went to space to create it with the radiation up there. She built the AI the ended the world."

"And tried to end it again with Alie," She saw my slightly annoyed expression. "But that's a story for another time." She quieted down.

Vinson stood. "So what does this nightbood do exactly?"

"It was a way of religion for them, how the chose their Commanders. For me, it was how I survived. Without it, Madi would likely be killing you off as we speak."

They stilled.

I cracked a grin. "It was a joke." Sort of.

Christina looked confused. "What happened with Bellamy? The other warriors you talked about? They actually went back up to space?"

My head nodded.

"They left you here?" Bryson asked.

I nodded again.

"How?"

A sigh left me. "They didn't have a choice. It wasn't supposed to end this way. The eight of us, Raven, Monty and Harper, Murphy and Emori, Echo, and Bellamy and I. We were all supposed to ride out the five years up there together but my part of the plan took longer than expected. If they would've stayed they would've all died. And I wasn't going to let that happen. I stayed behind to make sure they got up there safe." I blinked a few times to get rid of the wetness in my eyes but it didn't work. "Everyone I knew from before, everyone I cared, everyone I loved is gone." I looked up at them. "Six years and I don't know if they're alive or dead."

Madi came to my side to comfort me.

"That's what you meant when you said we could help you dig them out of the rubble. They're stuck down there, aren't they?"

I nodded. My hand wiped my eyes. "For all we know. we could be the last of the human race."

Zeke turned over his meat. "Have you tried communicating with them? I'm sure there's something on our ship that could help with that, right?" He looked at the others.

Bryson shrugged. "Maybe. If they have similar tech."

Once the tea was done I composed myself and focused on cooling it off for Jace to drink.

"How long has it been since they were supposed to come down?" He asked.

My eyes went to his. "A year and several days. When you came down I thought it was them but your ship was too big." I poured a little tea into Jace's mouth.

He coughed a bit but remained unconscious.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry I attacked you. You took me by surprise, that's still no excuse."

Christina waved it off. "It's in the past."

Bryson turned to look at her.

She met his gaze.

He turned back with a tiny grin on his face.

I fed Jace more tea.

"If you're not going to ask them then I will," Madi faced them. "Can you help us get the rest of humanity out from the bunker? If you say no you're a bunch of assholes."

Vinson bellowed out a laugh. "I like this kid after all."

She gave him a tight look.

Bryson glanced at Zeke before his gaze fell on Christina.

She nodded.

He turned back to us. "When do we start?"

The cynicism in me didn't think they'd actually say yes.

A smile found my face. "First thing in the morning. The woods aren't good to navigate at night. We're going to need food and rest first. There's a lot to dig through." I grinned down at Madi.

She beamed, then it faded as she stared up at the sky. "Klark,"

We all looked to see what caught her attention.

A pod fell through the air, a pod a lot like the one they'd gone up in.

I stood on shaky legs to get a better look. "Bellamy," A knot of uncertainty rolled in my stomach.

Madi jumped up and down again. "That's them, right? They're here?"

New tears danced in my eyes at the miracle that literally fell from the sky. "Yeah, that's them." I knew what my gut told me usually and now it told me that they were home, that he was home.

"Well, I'll be damned," Vinson commented.

The pod eventually landed a few miles away.

I instantly stilled. "Shit," I cursed. "Madi, stay here," I demanded.

The others followed me as I ran for the pod.

"What's wrong?" Bryson asked.

I silently cursed myself. "They're going to walk into the traps," I told them as I ran faster.

A/N: What did yall think of this chapter? It is much shorter but it was doable before I have to go to work. Please feel free to voice your concerns or questions. Remember, I can't answer back if you leave a comment as a guest. If you don't want to leave a comment you can inbox me on my socials: Tumblr - Scaliarunsmylifenowareyouhappy, Twitter - Scott'sMalia, Instagram - Coach_Deniqua, I work for a pour your own beer company called Draft Taproom and I use that snapchat more than my own nowadays so snapchat - drafttaproom. I'm the only one with that login info being that I made it for the company so it will be me you talk to if you reach out on there. My own snapchat is the same as my Instagram. Thanks for reading yall! :D


	3. Lost On You

Hey yall, I wanted to address something before the chapter involving Bellarke. Someone commented that they were hesitant to keep reading because they felt like Bellamy was going to chose Clarke as a second choice if things didn't work out with Echo. I get why they'd have the concern considering how the last chapter ended. However, if yall read my other fics then you know I wouldn't do yall dirty like that lol. I try to write as realistically as possible, even if it's not what people want necessarily. I just finished The Originals SPOILER IF YOU HAVEN'T CAUGHT UP and I think it was totally unrealistic for Hayley and Elijah to try and pick up where they left off after the five year time jump in the beginning of the season (they reminded me a lot of bellarke actually with that time jump and Hope being like Madi). I don't have a problem with Hayley loving Elijah but at a certain point self-preservation kicks in and you have to think about yourself and your own happiness. I'm actually really disappointed in the show for not having her being at least a little happy on her own with Hope. At least she still had the chance to go anywhere and be around people. Anyway, back to the concern of Bellarke/Becho, I'm not a writer that likes to rush to put a couple together. And in no world that I write that's resembling canon would I deviate from how I perceive the show would actually do it, obviously some things are up in the air. It wouldn't make sense for Bellarke to jump into a relationship right when he comes down, no matter how much we want that. It would NEVER work. They've changed too much apart to suddenly be good to go together. With that said, I'm going to continue to write Bellamy as trying to make things work with Echo but when the time comes that he realizes that Clarke is who he wants it won't be by way of her being his second choice. I hope that makes sense and sheds some light on the situation. If you're still confused please reach out so I can clarify. The last thing I want is for people to stop reading because they think the story will go one way when it'll probably go another haha. Happy reading!

The song for this chapter is LP - Lost On You (Watch my galpal Aphelia's Bellarke edit on Youtube: Bellamy and Clarke: Lost On You by Aphelia Cupnen) And I'm going to keep recommending that yall that read my Scalia fic 'Til Forever Runs Out' to watch this James and Teresa edit because I will be diving more into them when I update (Teresa&James┃Loѕт oɴ yoυ by Kindon18). Fuck, I'm chatty today.

CLARKE'S POV:

We had only a small window to stop my friends from opening the pod door and killing themselves if they stepped too far left or right.

"Are we almost there?" Bryson asked.

I feared not enough.

"Keep running." I cut a left and they followed. "Careful."

A female scream cut through the air followed by the worry of a few.

"Bellamy,"

We headed for the direction of the distress.

Anxiety beaded in me. What if it was already too late and in their worry, they stumbled into more traps?

The chaos in the air grew as we got closer.

My hands smacked the low hanging branches out of the way, my heart thumped rapidly in my chest. _Please be okay_ , I prayed.

"She's dead," An unfamiliar voice called out.

When they finally came into view, I didn't recognize them, they held sticks wrapped in cloth and on fire to lit their path.

Christina rushed forward. "No!" She went to the dead girl that was held in place by the spring of spears. She brought her face to her hand as she cried out.

I looked back at Bryson.

He went to her, placed a hand on her shoulder while she continued to cry. He pulled her to him for comfort.

Zeke stood by me. "That was her best friend. They went up together and everything."

Guilt washed over me. I should've never built those damn things. Why did I have to be so paranoid?

I saw another one of the prisoners backed up too far and set off a series of spears to fly through the air. "Down!" I ran for cover.

A few dashed out of the way.

Just as I jumped in the air I locked eyes with the deepest set of chocolate brown. My eyes widened at the sight.

He readied himself to catch me as I tumbled into him.

We fell the ground with the breath knocked out of us. For what felt like a billion seconds of the warmth I couldn't get anywhere else by just laying on top of him, I raised my head to look at him to make sure he was real. My hands pressed against his strong, dependable chest.

He stared at me as I moved up his body, he stared at me like I was a dream.

I imagined I gave a similar one back.

Every moment we ever had together flashed in my mind. Every touch. All the be careful's. Every lingering stare.

My hand went to his face, I reached my good hand up to touch the thick beard I'd never seen on him.

His eyes raked up and down my face. "Clarke," His deep, raspy voice left him.

A smile slowly found my face, the most real smile I had in a long time. "Bellamy," His name sounded like a love song on my lips. Hot tears stung my eyes.

He smoothed my hair out of my face. "Hey, Princess." He wiped the wetness from under my eye before it streamed down my face. His thumb trailed along my cheek, careful not to touch the fresh scar, leaving a trail of tingles in its wake.

"Of course." Someone said.

He stilled and I soon found out why. With my body on top of his, he must've gotten aroused because his cock poked into me a bit. His eyes widened.

I must've forgotten that we weren't alone because all I did was grin at him.

"Clarke," His voice strained as he grabbed my hips. "Get up."

I hadn't been touched in over six years, not by anybody that could start a fire in me anyway. Per his request, I pressed my hands to his chest to push myself up, then grabbed onto his arm the same time he grabbed onto mine.

Together we stood.

Monty, Harper, and Echo stood before me. Monty and Harper wore delighted expressions while Echo's wasn't as joyful.

Monty and Harper attacked me with a tight hug.

"It's so good to see you," Monty said.

Harper nodded in agreement with tears in her eyes.

Raven and Murphy came into view, he helped her get up the hill.

She smiled when she saw me.

I rushed to her with a hug but I made sure I was careful with her leg brace. Funnily enough, I had forgotten she had it. My mind chose to remember her how she came down the first time.

"You look good, Clarke." Her arms tightened around my neck.

"You too." Tears in my voice.

We rocked back and forth a bit before we pulled away.

Murphy and I looked at each other.

I liked his shorter haircut.

"Well, if it isn't Wanheda, Commander of Death." He held no malice in his voice when he said it, only a fondness I never thought possible when it came to him.

I grinned at him before I opened up for a hug. "Murphy, I knew you'd survive the end of the world."

"That's what cockroaches do, right?"

When we disentangled he grinned at Raven.

She rolled her eyes but there was something more there than that.

"Where's Emori?" I looked around, then back at him with a bad feeling.

He glanced at Raven. "Uh, she didn't make it." His voice in between struggling for control and being even.

I hugged him again, a bit longer this time.

When I turned back to Bellamy he and Echo were having a staring match.

His head shook.

She gestured to the tightness in his pants with irritation before she turned back to me. "Hey, Clarke." She moved for a hug.

It was a stiff, obligational hug at best. My mind connected the small dots as I looked at Bellamy over her shoulder.

He wouldn't meet my gaze and I knew for sure that they were together up there, I knew it from the acid that rose in my throat.

"Hi," I broke away.

We all turned to the loud cry of Christina.

I momentarily forgot that I had caused this unintentional death.

Bryson turned to me and shook his head when I took a few steps in their direction.

Zeke helped Vinson get Christina's friend down. Neither of them met my gaze.

"I'm really sorry, Christina." I went to her anyway.

She met me with malice. Her wet, brown eyes glared at me as she pulled her knife out and attacked me with a speed I wasn't aware she had, then she was on top of me with her knife aimed at my chest.

Luckily for me, I was fast too. My hands pressed into hers. My legs connected behind her back so I could flip us over. I grabbed the blade end and threw it from her hands.

Her fist knocked into my mouth.

I readied to do some damage on my own because I hadn't intended for her best friend to die. I hadn't intended for any of them to come down and throw me for a loop.

"Okay," Bellamy yanked me off of her before I could get a hit in. His arms held me tight to him.

Bryson grabbed her from behind and held her off the ground.

She kicked at the air as if I would feel it. A murder cry left her.

Of course, I didn't blame her but I wasn't going to let her kick my ass when I hadn't done anything wrong. I struggled against Bellamy's hold.

His mouth came to my ear. "Calm down, Princess."

Somehow his voice did just that, his hold on me wasn't bad either.

"You good?"

I nodded against his shoulder, my hand went to his unintentionally.

Echo and I locked eyes for a few seconds, she didn't look happy about our exchange.

As if he realized it himself he let me go and moved the necessary distance to make it platonic again.

I wanted to laugh at the notion. We had never been platonic.

"Who are you?" He asked.

Bryson handed Christina off to Zeke. "We just landed today from the Gagarin ship."

Raven stepped forward. "With the Eligius Corporation?"

He nodded. "We've been in hypersleep for far too long. We had no idea that Earth had come to this." He gestured to me. "We've had some interesting interactions with your friend Clarke here all day."

"Interesting is one word for it," Vinson added with the body in his arms. "She went all _Terminator_ on our asses."

All eyes went to me.

"Wait, what's _Terminator_?" Monty asked.

He stared at us in awe. "I suppose there wasn't much time to watch it with the end of the world and all. It means she tried to kill us." His made no effort to hide his dislike of me.

I cleared my throat. "It's been a while since I had company." I defended.

Vinson started to say something but Bryson held up his hand. "How about we regroup for in the morning? The day's been a little tense. We could all use some rest." His blue eyes met mine. "I'll ready our people for your rescue mission."

I nodded once. "Greatly appreciated." I headed for Christina but Zeke's eyes told me it wasn't a good idea so I said, "Keep going east and you'll be okay."

They filed out quickly.

A sigh left me.

"What was that about?" Murphy asked.

My head shook, I rested it in my hand. "You don't want to know."

"Clarke, what happened with them?" Harper came to my side, her hand rested on my arm.

I lifted my face to look at her. "You want to know what happened? I became the big, bad, scary grounder." My gaze went to the bloody trap that tipped Christina over the edge of definitely hating me. "If you want to stand here all night be my guest. Otherwise, follow me. And don't stray." I started for my camp with their judgment weighed on my shoulders.

There was a collective mumbling but I blocked it out. I didn't want to hear how primitive I'd gotten or rough around the edges I'd become. I was well aware.

Within a few feet of my home, Murphy came up to me. "You know, we're not judging you for anything you've had to do to survive down here by yourself. I couldn't imagine how you stayed sane all those years by yourself."

I glanced at him. "I wasn't alone."

His forehead creased.

Madi saw us arrive and stilled.

So did the others when they took her in.

I went to her. "Guys, this is Madi. My daughter."

She stared at me with big eyes. "Woah. That's really them?"

"Yes, they finally made it down."

We looked at my group of friends.

My eyes drifted toward Bellamy's.

Confusion laid in his.

"Okay, I'm just going to say what we're all thinking," Murphy started. "Is she like really your kid? Did you have a hookup we don't know about?" His eyes briefly slid to Bellamy along with everyone else's.

Madi laughed. "I was born before Praimfaya happened. Clarke found me a few years in."

Everyone relaxed a bit as if Bellamy was off the hook. I wasn't sure why. If we had slept together I think everyone would've known. Plus, what time would we have had? And as beautiful as Madi was her fair skin didn't scream Blake genes.

"Oh," Bellamy muttered.

I cleared my throat. "Alright, how about we get some sleep?"

"Wait," Madi moved forward. "You're not going to introduce me to them?" She walked closer to them.

I started to speak but they did their own introductions.

Bellamy was the last to greet her.

She stared up at him like he was a giant, I supposed to her he was. "So you're Bellamy," She surveyed him. "I've heard a lot about you, an annoying amount really."

His eyes met mine, then he grinned down at her. "Really?"

"Yeah. 'Bellamy helped me do this, Bellamy got me out of that.' It's no wonder she never shut up about you, you're hot."

My fingers pressed into my temples. "Shof op, Madi." (Be quiet, Madi)

Raven laughed. "Cute kid."

She grabbed Bellamy's big hand and towed him toward me.

He followed, completely amused.

"Klark, I've found what you've been looking for." She beamed up at me proudly.

As much as I loved the kid she really put her foot in her mouth a lot of the time.

I playfully pulled her hat down over her face. "He's spoken for, natblida." (Nightblood)

She quickly shoved the hat back into place, a solemn look on her face. "Oh." She looked up at him. "Is that true? Are you spoken for?"

He didn't answer right away which made me second guess my own instincts, then he said, "Yeah, I am." He gave a convincing grin.

Behind us, Echo fought her own grin.

I scooped Madi up. "Come ona, goufa." (Come on, child)

She pouted. "Ai laik nou a goufa." (I'm not a child)

My eyes gazed down into her eyes. "Yu laik ai goufa." (You're my child). "En ai hod yu in." (And I love you)

Her pout turned into a look of awe. "Ai hod yu in seintaim." (I love you too)

After I tucked her in I made sure everyone had something to keep them warm. We had quite a bit to build our home over the years, it was our own little village for the two of us. Now it looked like we might have to expand.

I brought Bellamy and Echo a fur blanket. With her eyes on me, I grew unsure. "Uh," My eyes went between the both of them. "Do you need another blanket or...?" I looked off to the side briefly for some relief before I met his eyes again.

"No, one's enough." He took it from my hands. "Thanks."

I gave a nice enough nod and turned back to my sleeping area with a release of breath. I didn't know what was wrong with me. In the back of mind, I always knew that if Bellamy did make it back down and we crossed paths again that some of my feelings would be dredged up but I hadn't expected to feel a kick in the gut at the sight of him with someone else. The nausea that it brought on hadn't left yet and that worried me.

With my back turned, I covered myself under the warmth of the hide I made and tried to check out of the night by falling into a dreamless sleep. But that proved to be impossible.

I caved and turned to onto my other side to see the two of them cuddled up and assumably asleep. With that confirmation, I flipped onto my back.

"Alright," Raven said. "I can't sleep."

I looked over at her to find the others sat up as well.

We stared at each other, grinned, and gathered around the campfire with our blankets. I gathered Madi because I knew she hadn't fallen asleep yet, she was a snorer.

"What was it like up there?" I asked, willing to hear anyone's answer.

No one jumped at the chance to say anything.

Harper leaned forward. "Some of us had harder days than others."

It became obvious they were trying not to look at Bellamy.

Madi got us the skewers from earlier, uneaten, and passed them around.

"It was no picnic down here either, trust me."

"So you haven't heard anything from the bunker?" Bellamy asked.

My head shook. "Not a peep." My voice saddened. "When the Deathwave hit it buried them under a bunch of fallen wreckage. Bryson seems content on helping us getting them out."

"Do we really trust them?" Raven asked.

"No, but I-"

I didn't think I could tell them what I did. With all their stares on me, all I could think about were the times that first year and a half of my one woman journey. The days I searched for something alive, anything. The nights I either cried myself to sleep or talked myself into a conversation. The paranoia that set in that caused me to build the traps. The loneliness that drove me insane. The isolation that made me want to end it all.

Overwhelmed with emotion, I shot up from the fire.

Madi stood. "Chit ste foto?" (What's wrong?)

"Ai laik ku. Ste hir." (I'm okay. Stay here)

I walked a ways to a nearby cliff for some peace. Who would've thought after six years of nothing but peace that I'd crave a little solitude?

Footsteps notified me of a presence.

"I said I was fine, Madi." I turned to give her a reassuring look but it wasn't Madi who I made eyes with.

Bellamy came to stand by me.

I faced forward, unsure of what to say.

He pushed his hands in his pants pockets.

Awkwardness filled the air. One that had never been there before, not in this way.

"How is that we spend all this time trying to get back to each other and now we have nothing to say?" He voiced.

My face grew hot. "I didn't think you were alive. I-I," I took a deep breath and faced him. "I left you messages..." I said, as lame as it sounded.

He stared at me, not having the words to stay. "I didn't know, our communication system was down."

"For six years." I turned my eyes on the endless woods. "Looks like you found something to pass the time by." I didn't mean for the jealousy to seep out.

His gaze burned a hole in the side of my face. "Clarke, I tried-" He cut himself off and begun once he gathered himself. "Echo and I are trying to work things out now that we're down on the ground with other factors playing a part."

My eyes slid to his. "What other factors?"

"Factors beyond my control."

"Like me?"

The time for dancing around the subject of us had long passed. I had six years to come to grips with the fact that I had been in love with Bellamy and I had the time to get over that. Seeing him now, different and older, brought a lot of feelings back that I thought weren't ever going to resurface. I guess, I was wrong.

He stared down at me. "Are we doing this now?"

I nodded. "Why not? We had six years to mull it over." I stepped closer to him. "You and I, we had something." I said brazenly.

He nodded in agreement. "We did."

"Why didn't you tell me? Before it was too late." My eyes searched his.

A sigh left him. "I didn't think you wanted me." He looked away. "Not in that way." He brought his gaze back to me. "It never seemed like the right time between Finn, Lexa, the politics, and the end of the world."

"So you just loved me in silence?" The heartbreak in my voice hadn't escaped him.

He held his hands out. "What did you want me to do, Clarke?" His rasp turned thick with unresolved issues. "Tell you and ruin everything?"

"Forget it," I started back to camp.

He reached out for my hand to pull me back to him, his big, rough hand felt humongous around mine. "You wanted to talk about it. This is it. Do you want to hear about the real reason I was angry with you when you left Camp Jaha for Polis? When you wouldn't come back home or all the times you refused to see what was in front of you? That I was in love with you and I wanted something with you!"

"Bellamy, I didn't know what to do!" I admitted to myself and to him. "You were my rock, I didn't want to lose that. Even if I loved you back."

Before I could lie to myself and believe that I didn't start to love him in that way until after he was gone but with him in my face that wasn't so easy. Not with all five foot ten inches of him in front of me, breathing, in pain.

My hand twisted to grab his. "I knew you would be better off without me. I was messed up, bogged down with so much death and responsibility." My eyes searched his. "We wouldn't have worked, Bell."

He nodded after a few moments passed. "You're right, I know you're right." His hand let mine go. "Now things are different for the both of us. You've got a kid, I've got Echo."

I stared at the space between us. "Yeah. I've got a kid, you've got Echo." I turned a bit away from him. "Even if we didn't it probably wouldn't work, not after all the time apart." My eyes went to his. "We don't know each other anymore, do we?"

Instead of answering he came to me and wrapped his arms around my quivering body. We both knew that even if there was no Echo or Madi to consider that things would've been complicated anyway. You didn't start a relationship with someone you haven't seen for the better part of half a decade and expect it to flow effortlessly. We would always trust each other with our lives undoubtedly but there needed to be more than that between us for things to progress.

My arms tightened around him. I didn't want to let him go, especially because there had been a time where I thought this wouldn't be a possibility.

"I love you," I told him.

He rubbed at my back, his hand up to faithfully grab my hair. "I love you, too. I never stopped."

My cheek rested on his chest. "I'm kind of glad you didn't hear my messages. You didn't miss much."

"I'm sorry that I couldn't talk to you."

I moved back to look at him. "It's not your fault."

The guilty look on his face didn't sit well with me.

"You guys are here now, that's all that matters." I pushed some hair behind my ear. "And we have the help of the prisoners. You'll get to see your sister again." A little bit of hope in my voice, hope that hadn't been there before.

He let that sink in, then asked, "And after that?"

My eyes read his. Uncertainty sat in me as I shook my head. "I don't know."

We stared at each other in the darkness, neither of us not quite sure of what would follow with the changes that the day brought. One thing we did know for sure was that we had the time to figure the rest out.

A/N: I wanted to add more to this chapter but I'm helping my sister move tomorrow into her house, my family is in town for the weekend, and with New Years on Sunday I wouldn't have had time to update considering I work at in a pour your own beer sports bar. Also, I do have a lot of Scalia (Teen Wolf) fics I need to update in rotation to this so please be patient. Please let me know your thoughts below. Also, yes. Bellamy flat out lied to Clarke's face about not being able to hear her while he was up in space.


	4. Save Yourself

Hey y'all! I have to admit, I'm a little lost here. We all thought the trailer was going to come out at the end of January at the latest BUT NO, it's coming out in March probably with the season being released in late April. I thought I'd get more inspiration for this and more plot to go off of from the trailer. I'm still going to try and write this, maybe I'll just make it shorter than planned. I literally have no idea what to do with Octavia because I thought we'd have seen more on her by now. Please, if anyone has any suggestions or prompts they'd like to see happen I can see what would work. Being that this fic will now be shortened that means things will probably be more sped up than I originally thought. I'll figure out the best way I think to handle Bellarke, which is still very much happening despite what a few people commented. Sorry if you feel that Becho should be endgame in this and Clarke should find love elsewhere. That's literally not going to happen and not the reason I started writing this haha. Hope yall enjoy this chapter! :D

 **The song for this chapter is Kaleo - Save Yourself**

CLARKE'S POV:

It was almost eery to have six years of almost solitude to wake up to your world now filled with familiar faces along with new ones. All of it definitely would take some adjusting.

Madi was quite excited when she woke up. Me, on the other hand, I didn't get much sleep. There were a few nods here and there but I probably only got one hour of full rest before survival instinct kicked in as the noise of my friends woke me up.

Raven walked up to me while I rebraided Madi's hair with her between my legs.

"Where can we get breakfast around here?" Her dark ponytail swung behind her.

Madi moved to get up. "I'll take you."

I tightened my legs around her. "Ste ste." (Stay still)

She pouted. "Yu nowe teik me don fun." (You never let me have fun)

Raven laughed. "Somehow, I believe it." She crouched down as best she could with her brace to play with Madi's hair. "I like this one."

"I'm thinking about cutting it so it doesn't take so long in the mornings."

I stilled. "You never told me that."

She half turned. "Now I have." She turned all the way around to me. "Can I go hunt now?" Her little blue eyes beamed into mine. "Please?"

My head nodded. "Ste klir." (Stay safe)

"I always am." She shot up and grabbed Bellamy and Murphy's hand. "You too, Monty!" She called for him to follow.

They all looked back at me to see if it was okay.

I gave my nod of consent.

Raven sat next to me on my bed with a huff. "Where did the time go?" It was more rhetorical than anything.

My eyes scanned the treeline. "I have no idea. Feels like just yesterday the world was ending."

She glanced at me and gave a half laugh. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

We looked on as Echo and Harper joked about something around the dampened campfire, their laughter filled the camp.

"I wish I could laugh like that again," I admitted.

She looked down at her lap. "It was hard for us. We prayed for you," She met my eyes. "Once we got the radio to work and we knew you were alive...We were so happy. Bellamy was really bent out of shape. You should've seen him."

The shock on my face must've given me away. I should've hidden it better but I couldn't.

Her brows rose. "Oh," She glanced at the path he left on with Madi. "He didn't tell you? I thought that's what you talked about last night."

My head shook. "He said that you couldn't hear me."

He lied. Why?

I was all of a sudden so angry. So he had heard every embarrassing, desperate thing I'd said over the radio. I poured my heart out for years over that stupid radio, practically giving a love confession day after day, and he had the audacity to lie to my face. How was it so easy for him? Years apart would do that, I suppose.

She cleared her throat. "Wow, I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," I looked out at Echo. "He had his reasons."

She followed my gaze. "You know, he never stopped caring about you."

I looked at her.

"I'm not going to pretend to know everything about your relationship but from the outside looking in it looks like you regret a lot. Maybe he does too."

A sigh left me. "Raven, I wasn't sure if he was alive for six years and now that he's here I can't stop thinking about him and what could've been." I gestured to Echo. "And he's with her now. I don't want to cause friction. I know that things are going to be different now. We can't be like we were before."

She nodded. "I'm glad you figured out that you weren't as platonic as you thought all those years ago." She teased with a smirk and a laugh.

I shoved her shoulder lightly. "Shuf op."

"You're really a Grounder now, aren't you?"

"We're all Grounders. Ever since we stepped foot on Earth. I did what I had to do same as you guys." I rose, trying to pull away from this part of the conversation.

She stood. "I didn't mean to make you upset."

My head shook. "No, it's okay. I'm fine."

She gave me a look.

"Promise," I swore with a convincing half grin because a full grin wouldn't be believable even to me.

We walked over to the girls.

They looked up at our arrival.

"Thank you for letting us stay here." Echo said.

I offered a friendly smile. "I'm glad to have the company, believe me."

Harper gestured back behind us. "Cute kid. How'd you raise her all on your own."

"I had to. I wanted to." Even though she wasn't really my child I still felt like one hundred percent her mother. "She saved me the day I found her."

"How?" Harper asked.

"I was ready to give up," I admitted shamefully. "It felt like I was the last person alive and I wanted to even out the odds. Then I found her."

Harper stared on at me. "Losing us, losing Bellamy must've been really tough."

An awkward flash of ice filled the air.

I glanced at Echo.

She glanced at me.

I looked away. "Yeah. It was."

Raven cleared her throat. "Harper, how about we get started on the food? Cook up a little something before the men get back." She went for the stored meat.

Harper followed her. "Yup."

Echo and I were left alone with nothing to talk about but the obvious.

Still, I tried to forge a conversation.

"How was space?"

She took a few moments to answer. "Dark."

I snorted a laugh. "Yeah, been there. Done that."

She nodded. "How was the ground?"

"Lonely."

"Been there. Done that."

I met her eyes. "You were lonely before?"

She undid her braid. "Why do you think I was so hell-bent on fighting for Azgeda? If I was of use then I was someone important, someone worth something. Someone worthy of someone else's love."

I took all my pride and swallowed it to broach the subject. "Then came Bellamy."

She nodded. "Then came Bellamy." She eyed me. "I never thought he'd get over you and I couldn't blame him."

My lips pressed together in thought. "I'm glad he did. If it were me I'd do the-" I cut myself off because I couldn't finish that lie. If I had to do would he did, could I? I wasn't sure.

"I never said he did." She clarified.

We stared at each other.

"Well, I'm not here to step on any toes."

She nodded. "I appreciate that."

I grinned to myself. "Does he still snore like a bear when he's stressed?"

She laughed. "Yes," She angled toward me. "Did he grunt at everything when he was super hungry or tired?"

I thought back to the old days and nodded vigorously with a huge grin. "So grumpy," I confirmed.

We laughed together so more until it faded and we remembered who we were and what we both wanted.

The mood soured a bit.

"Can I ask you something?"

I turned toward her. "Shoot."

Her forehead crinkled. "Huh?"

"Oh, um. It means go ahead in this context."

She started, "If you would've made it up there with us would you have confessed everything?"

I stared at her until I said, "I don't know. Maybe. Probably." I blew out a heavy breath. "I would've been scared, that's for sure. He's really intimidating."

She laughed. "Please, you have him wrapped around your finger."

Well, I knew that was true in the past. What she didn't realize was that he had me wrapped around his too.

"Even so, it's not easy to tell someone you care about that you have feelings for them that you don't know how to deal with."

Her knee nudged mine. "I hope you know I'm not the one in the way. It's him. He's being stubborn, trying to hold onto something that was only meant to last for a season."

"What does that mean?"

She shrugged. "It means that I or anyone else never really had a chance with you in the picture. That's just how it is. The sooner he sees that the better."

I was confused.

"Are you trying to get us together?"

She stood with a huff. "I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just trying not to look like an idiot. I can't let myself completely love him only to lose him, so I'm choosing to remove myself."

I felt an incredible amount of respect for her for being as strong as she was.

"I deserve certainly."

"You do but I'm can't be the reason you break up."

She offered a solemn grin. "You don't get it, you were the reason we got together."

I grew uncomfortable with this talk and shook my head. "No, I'm not." I gestured to myself. "We should go help the girls."

She grabbed my arm before I could leave. "Clarke,"

I looked back at her with hardened eyes.

She got the message and removed her hand. "Sorry. It's just that I don't want things to be like how they were before we went up. I don't want to be cold-hearted. I don't want to be a spy or cunning or a fighter. I just want to be free, something my upbringing never allowed. Something that space never allowed. Maybe that's why I'm all of a sudden so okay with this." Her eyes widened once she realized she divulged a lot to practically a stranger. "You didn't want to know all that."

"No," My head shook. "I'm glad you shared." I blew out a heavy breath. "Truth is, I've been alone for so long that I feel like I'm on the run. I don't know how to integrate myself back into society. I'm afraid someone's going to get hurt."

She cocked her head to the side. "Why?"

I shrugged. "Doesn't someone always when I'm around?" My gaze went off to the side.

She took a step forward. "Look, 'Wanheda' is just a name. You don't have to be that if you don't want to. You can be Clarke. You can be proud of that."

I wasn't sure what propelled me forward but I went to hug her. "Thank you."

Her arms wrapped around me. "No, thank you."

As much as she put on this brave face and talked up this new leaf she wanted to turn over that didn't dilute the feelings she had formed for Bellamy or what pain her pushing him away would cause her. As much as I wished I could be an opposition to her because of her claim on Bellamy I recognized the woman in her that used to be the girl in me, putting herself before her feelings. I'd done it time and time again.

We pulled apart just as the guys and Madi arrived back, they carried berries and wood.

Bellamy stared at us with a mask of uncertainty before he looked away to go help the others prepare food.

We headed over.

He glanced at me with guarded brown eyes that I wished I didn't long for.

Echo went to him. "Let's go for a walk," She pulled him along.

He reached down for her hand as they walked on.

Raven looked back at me. "This breakfast isn't going to cook itself. Show us what you got, Clarke."

"Why don't you show Madi and what you got? Who did the cooking on the Go-Sci Ring?" My arms folded across my chest in my teasing bravado.

Everyone looked at Monty.

He gave them all the finger. "Like you all could do better with piss and algae."

Murphy angled his body toward Raven. "Some of us tried and failed spectacularly." He taunted.

Raven's dark eyes rolled playfully. "More than you ever did, Cockroach." Her words although seemingly offensive weren't filled with no ill will toward the said 'Cockroach'.

Murphy knew that from his smirk and laugh.

"To be clear," Monty started. "They're always like this."

Raven busied herself to distract from her blush. A blush that Murphy didn't notice.

Harper and I exchanged a knowing look and a grin.

Madi came up to me with thrill in her eyes. "I like your friends, Klork. They're pretty cool."

"Isn't that what I've been telling you this whole time?" I joked.

Her eyes rolled. "Bellamy's the coolest."

"Is he now?"

Murphy scratched his head. "Hey, kid. What about me?"

Monty cleared his throat.

Murphy looked back at him. "Love you but don't kid yourself, Mon."

Harper patted his face lovingly. "You're a lot of things but cool isn't one of them, sweetie."

"I haven't decided about you yet," Madi told Murphy. "I'll know in a few days."

Raven laughed. "See, even Madi knows you're lame as shit."

I'd seen enough of the two of them to know that Raven was deflecting with her words. She saw Murphy as something different than she did before they went up. I wondered what changed between them? I kind of always thought they hated each other, more so on her part.

"You just can't stand to see me shine is all." He jabbed back at her.

Yeah, I'd have to talk to her about that later.

By the time Echo and Bellamy returned we had a good enough spread of berries, foliage, and almost charred meat. Bellamy wasn't with us mentally as we ate. If I had to guess, he was figuring out how to convince Echo to take him back. Even though it pained me, I had to be okay with that if that's what he wanted.

BELLAMY'S POV:

Echo and I walked hand in hand for several feet before she broke her hand away. She looked ahead of us with no intention of looking at me. "Bellamy," She started.

I kept onward. "I know what you're about to say, at least I think I do." I faced her as we walked. "Don't break up with me."

"I love you, I do." She finally looked at me. "I want to believe that this can work but we've been down here for five minutes and you two already have that same fire as before."

My head shook. "Clarke and I have talked. We're okay. We don't have to break up."

She ignored that and said, "You taught me a lot that I didn't know about myself, maybe that's why I wanted to hang on for the long haul, but if I'm being honest, I knew we wouldn't last. Not if there was a chance to get home." Her arms folded protectively across her chest. "It was hard enough to compete with a girl that was a planet away let alone five feet away."

"Echo-"

Her hand raised.

We stopped and faced each other in opposition.

"Maybe not to you or her, but it's clear that you have something with each other that we could never have, and I don't want to stand in the way of that for you."

I was slightly annoyed. "The only person standing in the way here is you." I groaned. "Okay, I don't know Clarke anymore, not like I used to. Even if I wanted to be with Clarke we'd need time to reconnect and the burden of our people coming first couldn't weigh us down. I don't see that happening, do you?"

Her hazel eyes peered into mine. "I watched you mourn her for years or have you forgotten? Love like that doesn't just evaporate, Bellamy. I'm not saying that you don't love me too but not like you love her. I have to be okay with that."

It took all of my control not to go off.

My eyes pricked with heat. "Where does that leave us? I don't get a say in this?"

She took a step to me, her hand grabbed mine. "This isn't easy for me, far from it." Her eyes scanned mine with the beginnings of tears. "We worked together up there. We just have to figure out how we work down here."

I wanted to ask her why she was doing this but in the back of my head, I knew she was doing this for self-preservation and I couldn't entirely blame her. Would I do the same in her situation if she was reunited with some guy that she had a relationship with akin to Clarke and me? That was an obvious yes. If it was that easy to answer then I had to understand where she came from.

"I'm sorry it had to be this way." She said.

My head nodded. "Me too."

She held her hand out. "Please, tell me we can be friends."

I pulled her in for a tight hug. "Without question," I assured.

We stayed like that for a while, long enough for us to convey to each other that what we had wouldn't be forgotten, that we'd always cherish the growing we did together as friends and more.

I knew coming back to Earth would be a challenge no matter what way you looked at it but I didn't think I'd lose someone close to me while I gained a cherished one.

Back at Clarke's camp, I didn't want to meet anyone's gaze, let alone Clarke's. I was afraid I'd start to cry and that wouldn't be comfortable for anyone. Besides, we had a mission to get ready for. That was what was important now. All I wanted more than anything was to have my sister in my arms to make all of this a little bit better.

Our interrupted connection the last time we talked had replayed in my mind dozens of times. What else would we have said if we had more time?

Who was she now? She had a good head on her shoulders, she was a survivor. She had to be alive. If Clarke survived the impossible I knew Octavia could.

I tried not to be in my mind so much when we left for the prisoner ship but I couldn't help it. My silence warranted self-reflection. That self-reflection shined on what could be considered my worst moment up in the sky; cutting Clarke off, emotionally and physically.

Her blonde bob lead us forward like the natural born leader she was.

Echo's words repeated in my mind about the magnetic blonde. I didn't want to go down that road again. Not to be shot down. Even with her confession of having past feelings for me, I couldn't trust her not to break my heart all over again. I couldn't go there again. I wouldn't.

She looked back at me.

My heart stuttered.

Fuck.

CLARKE'S POV:

Part of me wished I could just be selfish, go back there, and kiss him. Would he kiss me back? Would he feel any of it? Would he pull me closer or push me away? With a glance back I'd been itching to do I faced forward to refocus my mind.

We ended up at the prisoner ship in no time.

In one night they managed to start building a wall. Smart. If they decided they didn't like us and we decided we didn't like them, they'd need it.

Bryson greeted us with Zeke and Vinson behind him. He reached out a hand for me to shake.

I took it in good faith. "Thank you for helping us."

His kind blue eyes were a little more guarded today. "Even if you did try to kill us."

Bellamy cut through the group from the back to stand by my side, a stern lock to his jaw.

Bryson offered a grin that didn't quite meet his eyes as he looked at me. "It was a joke. Kind of." He turned back to his men and nodded.

They headed back to the ship to round up the others willing to risk their life for the journey.

Madi came forward to inspect Bryson. "Em ste branwada." (He is foolish) She threw her attention back at me.

Bellamy and the others chuckled.

I assumed their time up in space that Emori and Echo had taught them Trigedasleng. There probably wasn't much else to do.

Bellamy stared down at Madi. "Yu laik briyon." (You are brilliant)

She beamed up at him. "Mochof." (Thank you)

He nodded, a slight grin on his lips. He quickly met my gaze before he turned back to Bryson. "You have weapons to spare for us or do we need our own?"

Bryson's eyes hardened at the intimidation he obviously felt from Bellamy and tried to cover up. "Sorry," His mouth turned down at what I assumed was a testosterone test. "We only have weapons for our own people. I'm sure you understand."

Bellamy gave a small grunt, then drew his eyes to me. "Tell me you have something for us?"

I nodded. "Once your men are ready we can circle back to my camp. The sooner we get a move on the sooner it'll be done."

We went back to grab the weapons and started out as soon as they were ready.

I was tired of leading so I was a little saddened when Bellamy trailed ahead to talk with Monty and Murphy. Madi tagged along with them.

Raven mosied her way next to me.

Murphy took a quick head count, then glanced back to check on Raven.

They shared a brief, communicative look before they parted glances.

"When did that happen?" I kept my voice low.

She stared forward. "I don't know what you're talking about, Clarke."

My arm hooked around hers. "Sure you do, 'Cockroach'." I poked fun.

Her face blushed. "We're just fr-"

"Don't say it." I stopped her. "You don't have to convince me because I'm not buying it anyway."

We looked at each other and grinned.

"Tell me more about it."

Her lips twisted in indecision. "There's nothing to really talk about. We put aside our differences, we grew closer. That's basically it."

My eyes ran over Murphy, then over Raven. "Does he like you back?"

She raised her shoulders. "How the hell should I know? I don't have the most luck with men or have you forgotten?"

Her callback to Finn made me feel particularly guilty. I knew Wick wasn't my fault but I still felt bad for her.

"The past is in the past, so leave it there. He's right in front of you."

"It's not that simple." Her head shook.

I squeezed her hand. "Then make it that simple. Take it from me and don't live in regret." My eyes went to Bellamy and a wave of sadness washed over me.

She must've seen it and used that as motivation to head for Murphy. When she caught up to him he lagged back to accommodate her walking needs.

They talked about something for a few moments. When she looked away he only continued to stare at her with a soft grin that I wasn't used to seeing on Murphy accept when it came to Emori, but he had it for Raven.

Zeke slid into place next to me.

I liked Zeke. He'd been a bit brash but he sided with Bryson when it counted. He had a babyface.

"Hey," He said.

My eyes scanned the side of his cocoa complexioned face. "Hey,"

He glanced around before he said, "Just wanted to apologize again for yesterday. We shouldn't have done that. You were just protecting yours, right?"

I nodded. "Exactly."

He gave an understanding look. "I can understand that."

I was intrigued. "What did you have to protect?"

His hands shoved into his pants pockets, his gaze far away. "I had a little brother, Jamie. He was my responsibility to care of."

I was afraid to ask, "Where is he?"

"He was killed," He swallowed the lump in his throat. "Gang activity."

There hadn't been any gangs in our days so I couldn't empathize with him but I could sympathize. Growing up, Wells and I would watch a few movies our parents approved. Never anything too violet at a young age but once we matured they loosened the reins a little bit. I'd never forget when we watched _Boyz n the Hood_ and how I debated if Wells would've had to go through that if we were born on the ground. I guess, Zeke did.

"I'm sorry,"

He waved it off. "Not your fault. No way you could've stopped a turf war from spilling over onto a playground."

Even though it was literally a hundred years ago he talked as if it were just yesterday and I supposed for him it was.

"Still, it shouldn't have happened."

He took me in and made a noise at the back of his throat in assessment.

"What? Didn't know I had a heart?"

His grin turned into a laugh. "Something like that, Tin Man."

I laughed myself. "I tried to be a Tin Man, didn't work. I care too much to be successful at it."

"You care about them, your friends. Honestly, I was glad to see that. I was afraid I'd end up like you over time." He paused when he saw my face.

My lips pressed together as I held in the laughter.

"Oh, I shouldn't have said that." He rushed to apologize. "Sorry."

My laugh spilled out. "Don't be sorry. You should worry about that."

His eyes relaxed as did the expression on his face. "Got any tips?"

I kept the remains of laughter on my face because it felt nice. "If I did would you really listen to them?"

He shook his head with a humorous grin. "Probably not."

"Well, there you go."

I hadn't expected talking to him would ease the worry from my mind for a few fleeting moments but it had. Maybe he noticed it too.

When I looked around to place our location I noticed Bellamy faced forward just as I looked his way.

Zeke leaned in. "Looks like a long story,"

"An understatement."

"How about you tell me over dinner tonight?"

I stilled then chuckled. "You're kidding right?"

He looked at me with slightly wounded eyes. "Yeah, that's what I'm doing."

We stared at each other.

"You weren't kidding," I observed.

"I wasn't kidding." He confirmed. "But I get it. You're involved. You like being involved."

My mouth dropped a little, I didn't have an answer to that. Not an intelligent one.

"It's complicated."

His brow arched. "Aren't the most epic love stories always are."

Maybe they were usually but that didn't mean that Bellamy and I would end up like that.

"I don't know what we are," I said more to myself than to him.

Our conversation dropped off once my mood soured.

"How much farther?" Vinson asked.

Everyone looked at me, the prisoners were tired of walking but my friends looked thrilled to be able to roam open space again.

"About ten more miles."

The prisoners groaned.

"That's nothing." Zeke jumped up and down with pep.

I grinned at him with a shake of the head. He reminded me of a mixture of Finn and Wells. Maybe that's why I already had a soft spot for him.

"Clarke," Bellamy's raspy voice pulled me away from my thoughts. He was ahead of the group by a few meters. "How sure are you that no one else survived Praimfaya outside?" He looked over the short cliff face carefully.

"Pretty damn sure." I went to him.

A few others followed.

We all looked down at the unthought of sight of a man beaten and bloodied as he ran for his life.

"What's he running from?" Zeke asked.

"More like who is he running from?" Vinson added.

My eyes drifted to Bellamy at the same time his drifted to mine. I tried not to show my attraction to him because it wasn't the time or place but I was only human. Once I tore my eyes away I looked at Madi.

She nodded, grabbed Bellamy's hand. "Let's head down."

I backed up as far as I was allowed, then ran full force off the cliff with the protests of my friends behind me. My body twisted and bent through the air with the skill Madi and I had honed from years of practice. My heart thumped heavily in my chest while the adrenaline coursed through my veins, making this all the more exciting. I made sure to angle my body for the treeline, my limbs would act accordingly to make sure I didn't go splat.

When we first got to Earth we learned the Grounders used the trees to move when faced with enemies, all I wanted was for us to learn how to get to that level of expert skill.

Crouched into position, I watched as the man escaped for his life all the while looking behind himself for danger. He stopped briefly to stare up at the trees, but walked on when he didn't see anything.

The further he traveled, the more I jumped from tree to tree.

The unknown threat had him practically paralyzed with fear.

"Clarke!" The calls of my friends spooked the man.

He ran forward.

I cursed, then jumped from the tree as they came into view with heavy hearts.

"I'm fine," I assured them. My eyes focused on Bellamy's furrowed brow a little longer than necessary. "He got away." I turned from them.

"I got it." Madi ran, pulled herself up through the branches, and followed him.

Zeke passed me with a smile. "You gotta teach me how to do that."

Raven and Murphy trailed behind together, she was sweaty from the pace it took her to get down here to make sure I was alright. I nodded their way once they saw us. It just made more sense for them to stay behind at this rate.

RAVEN'S POV:

The others had the ability to race off at the excitement that I was destined to always arrive late for.

I managed to sit down against the wall of rock behind us.

Murphy sat beside me. He should've been with them, having his adventure, not stuck here with me because he felt like he had to be.

A sigh left me. We just sat there with our knees propped up. Well, my one good knee propped up.

He tilted his head toward me. "What's up?"

"This just sucks is all," I looked to him. "Up there I could go on and I was almost normal. Down here I'm back to being a hindrance. I can't do the things you guys can." My eyes fogged up. "I don't want to be sitting here."

"You know, self-loathing isn't a good color on you, Rave."

My head shook. "What else am I supposed to do? I was useful up there." I gestured to the sky. "Down here there are engineers and mechanics probably around every corner."

He nodded. "That's true, you should just give up now." His tone held a dry sarcasm.

I rolled my eyes nonetheless.

"But there's only one Raven Reyes." He nudged my knee with his. "Know that."

A grin found its way to my face, it always did with him. "Thanks, Murphy."

He stood. "Don't mention it, I have a reputation to protect as a cockroach."

I laughed, feeling a bit better about myself.

He looked back at me in that way of his. "Hey, do me another favor." His eyes looked over me. "There's nothing normal about you, that's the Raven I know. That's the Raven I like." He gave his famous smirk. "Screw normal."

I was sure my feelings were written all over my face but he still seemed to not notice.

"Screw normal," I agreed.

He looked ahead of us for any signs of our friends.

What if Clarke was right? What if he did like me? It felt like it was too soon after Emori to bring up but I had a feeling it would always feel that way. I wasn't in a rush, but then again we never knew when the world would end again.

CLARKE'S POV:

We raced for the man on the run to get some answers.

Just as we caught up to him Madi threw herself from the nearest tree and tackled him to the ground. She looked up at me for approval when she came to my side.

I gave it to her.

The man quickly rose, he stayed low to the ground while his eyes danced over all of us in confusion. "You're new," His eyes ran over me, then he rushed forward. "Wanheda! Help me, please. She'll _kill_ me." He was about to throw his arms around me but Monty and Bellamy grabbed him up.

He let them. "Please, you have to help me!" He begged.

"Who?"

He looked as if I was the lost one. "The Red Queen." His eyes darted around.

"Who is she?" Bryson asked me.

My head shook. "I don't know." I stepped toward the man.

"He has to be from the bunker." Harper deduced.

"Who is the Red Queen?" I asked of him.

Unimaginable terror rang in his eyes. "Octavia kom Skaikru."

A/N: Sorry for the wait. I just moved into my first apartment. Go me! It's been stressful and exciting, but mostly stressful haha. Anyway, what do yall think of the developments? Again, I want to say that this story is Bellarke and I'm not changing that because people feel like they shouldn't be together. There's more than one way for a story to end up and I know how to get them there. Thanks for reading. I will be updating my Scalia fics next so give me some time on this one :)


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